Her tone is teasing, but when I stop cleaning to look at her, I realize the tone is the lie.
“He asked, and I just… I didn’t think about the optics.” I did, but more in relation tomethan the organization or Logan’s life or what Tamiko would have to deal with as the manager of Logan’s image. Forgetting all those pieces makes me feel like an idiot. Selfish, even.
“I asked Logan what’s going on, and he told me that you two are super casual and not seriousat all.” Tamiko huffs.
My stomach sinks at her words, even if they’re true, even if they’re the onesIwould have said if anyone asked me.
“But I know you’re smarter than that. Bellerive society isn’t going to take the appearance you two made at the charity event ascasual.”
“I haven’t been on social media the last few weeks to see what’s being said.”
“Wouldnotrecommend,” Tamiko confirms. “A cesspool of misogyny and ageist comments that wouldn’t be made with the same vitriol if the age gap was reversed.” She stops at a weight bench and sits down. “If you two are happy, I just need to know how to spin it. I’m assuming this was going on for a while?”
“Um…” This is where I have to admit all the rookie mistakes I’ve made—let him make—even thoughIknow better.
Tamiko drops her purse to the floor like a weight, and her eyes widen. “No, no, please tell me this isn’t new? That you didn’t leap into the spotlight without considering all the consequences? When I saw the photos, I was pissed you didn’t loop me in, but then I thought that it was okay becauseyouknew what you were doing. You were raised in this world. Am I the idiot here? Now I feel like I’m the idiot.”
“Why can’t we just tell people that we’re casual? Having fun?”
“Those are the kinds of relationships that stay in the dark when you’re famous on the island, which youbothare. A Tucker and the star player? Did you really think this would stay out of the spotlight?Andyou showed up to the palace when the press was already there? Sawyer, babe, this was a launch. A clumsy one, but a launch nonetheless.”
“He didn’t want to hide.”
“There’s not hiding and then there’s what you two did.”
I sigh and sit on another bench on the opposite side of the room.
“You’re reallynotserious?” She holds up her hands. “I’m not judging.”
“We’re not serious.”
“Can we pretend like you are?” Tamiko lets out a shaky laugh. “Get Logan to actually start commenting to the press and other people in a way that’ll be helpful?”
“What’s he been saying?” Now that we’re together, I don’t obsess over his interviews anymore, trying to read into every little thing he says. As soon as he can get away, he comes straight home to me. I hear it all in person.
“No comment. He’s got ‘no comment’ out before a reporter even gets past the first syllable of your name. He told me, and I quote, ‘I don’t give a flying fuck what people think.’ But his refusal is damaging his brand, which is also bad for the Bullets’ brand.”
“Right.” I run my hands along my thighs. With Dalton, I had to watch everything I said and did in public, which I’d been used to considering. You can’t be raised by Celia Tucker andnotthink about those things. But it was tenfold with Dalton, partly because of his intensity, and partly because I wanted to please him. I never worried as much about that with my mother. No matter what, even if I let her down, she was still my mother.
I never really considered what I was letting myself sink into with Logan. My life under a microscope—again.
Maybe I did realize, at least subconsciously. I haven’t touched any of my socials since that night at the palace. If I don’t look, the judgment doesn’t exist. Terrible logic. But when you’re happy, it’s easy to dismiss anything that brings you down as unimportant.
“I’m really not sure I want the spotlight,” I say.
“You’ve already got it,” Tamiko says. “Is that why you and Dalton broke up?”
“What do you want Logan and I to do? What does ‘pretending to be serious’ in a media strategy look like?”
“He needs to talk about you when asked, and he can’t seem grumpy about it. People will interpret that as him being unhappy withyou, not the question.”
“I’m sure if you ask him—”
“Come on, Sawyer. He’s still the same guy.”
“I’ll ask him.”
“Thank you.”
