“I don’t think we should… It’s a bad idea… I just got out of a…”
He doesn’t try to talk me into anything. He just listens to me stop and start my objections.
“I work for the organization, and I’m ten years older than you.Ten years.”
“I grew up fast, and I’ve never been with anyone who was my age or younger. Never appealed to me.”
“This is… This is madness, Logan. Utter madness.”
“Yeah?” He leans back into the couch, clearly not going anywhere. “This still feels like you sorting out what I’ve laid on the table and not what you actually think—yet.”
“Am I reading this right? You’re basically asking to sleep with me. One night? An affair?” It should be so much less appealingthan it is. But that stupid preheating thing that my body does whenever he’s in close proximity has definitely reached the maximum temperature.
“Personally”—he splays his hand on his chest—“I don’t think we need to call whatever we decide to do or not do anything in particular. I’m just looking for permission to explore.”
“That soundsverycasual.” He’s still on the other end of the couch from me, and we’re locked in. “You’d risk our working relationship?”
“I actually don’t see it as a risk. I’m exceptionally good at compartmentalizing everything. Hockey. Sex. Other training. Friendships.”
“You coming here at midnight, less than a month after you met me, seems to counter that statement.”
“Fair,” he says with a little chuckle.
“Relationships, especially romantic ones, are messy.” The mud still coats me from the last one.
“You don’t want to risk it.” It’s a statement, and while he doesn’t sound thrilled, he’s not angry either.
“I like this job with you, even more than I thought I would.” For the first time in a long time, I feel alive, thriving. “I’m fine with flirting or spending time together, but I think a physical relationship—no matter how we tried to frame it—would be a disaster.”
“Spending time together outside of the training we do?”
Where he’s learned to trust his instincts, I’ve come to distrust mine. So, as we stare at each other across the expanse of the couch, part of me thinks that hanging out with him is a bad idea and another part of me thinks he might be the key to me finding everything I lost. As long as we keep our interactions light, nothing could go terribly wrong between us if we’re not having sex.
The second-guessing starts the minute I’ve had the thought.
But I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be happy, at least for any length of time, and I’ve been happy helping him train, learning the game, watching him play. Maybe that’s an old pattern, one I shouldn’t repeat, or maybe it’s a way back to myself when I’m dealing with someone who won’t make me question every aspect of who I am.
“Did you mean what you said about my house?” I ask.
“Your house?” His gaze is quizzical, and he breaks eye contact to look around. “Yeah,” he says, and there’s true sincerity in the word. “I don’t know what I was expecting—I don’t think this place is it—but it fits you. Bright and airy and beautiful.”
My heart aches at his words, words I never realized I needed to hear from someone. Maybe spending time with him is a bad idea, but hegetsme, and I need people who see me andappreciatewhat they see.
“We can spend time together outside training,” I say. “I’d like that.”
“Me too,” he says, and the deep timbre of his voice seems to rumble from his chest, across the small space between us, and right into mine, nestling far too close to my heart.
Chapter Fourteen
Sawyer
Our fifth training session since Logan showed up at my house in the middle of the night is exactly like the four before it—brimming with a sexual awareness that’s been unboxed and let out into the world to wreak havoc.
“I’m not sure I’m getting these barbell squats right, doc,” he says, giving me a sideways glance as he lifts the weights off the ground and slides them onto the bar.
He’s been off his workout game the last couple of sessions, but I’ve seen him do the squat correctly before. The capability is there, but hehasbeen inconsistent. “What do you need from me?” I ask.
“Can you just”—he nods at the bar before lifting it into position—“physically adjust me on the fly?”
