“Ah, so we go from ‘not wanting’ to ‘wife’ in one conversation. I can’t even tell which of your heads is in charge. I think neither.”
“I’m done talking to you. You just want to fuck with my head.”
“No.” Radek waves his hand. “I’m trying to help you. You want her, and maybe you don’t know how you want her, but pretending you don’t want her doesn’t help anyone.”
“Yes, it does.” I shift in my seat, and I’m sure my annoyance is wafting off me. “I like having her train me. Trying to push us in a direction she doesn’t want will only make her quit.”
“Exactly,” Radek says as though I’ve proven his point. “Trying to make her do something—like travel with the team—that she doesn’t want won’t work.”
“You’re hurting my brain.”
“We both know you have no reason toneedher. We have Ken. Youwanther. That’s different.”
He’s right, but I’m not saying a word out loud. Instead, I slouch deeper into my seat.
“You need to be honest with yourself about what you want and the best way to get it. Otherwise, we’re all going to suffer.” He gestures around the plane. “This organization, the league, the press—they all call you a ‘kid,’ but you’ve never felt like a kid to me. Never. You’ve always been smarter, tougher than someone your age should be. You ever been committed to a woman?”
“Not seriously.” I don’t even hesitate. Have I felt certain ways about a few women, particularly in my late teenage years? A couple. But those connections were brief or focused only on sex. An actual relationship? Not once.
“I’m not saying”—he holds up his hands—“that you go all in with this one. I’m not saying that. But maybe you dip your toe into the deep end. Check the temperature. Maybe even tread water this season. If you set clear parameters and guidelines, maybe she’s a safe risk. A chance to learn. A bit older. A bit wiser.”
“You know I’m not a fucking virgin, right?”
“Your business…”
“I’m not a virgin, Radek.”
“Okay, okay. Then maybe it’s a good chance for you to try a little tiny relationship. Try it on.”
“That doesn’t really seem fair to her.”
“You’ll never know if you never ask.”
“No,” I say with a shake of my head. Even if Sawyer felt like a safe risk—and she feels the exact opposite of that—I wouldn’t have a clue how to approach a conversation about a “little tiny relationship.” It’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. “You should not be giving people advice about relationships.”
“Maybe not. I have a lot of failed ones.” He shrugs.
I’d laugh if I wasn’t so tangled up in knots. Despite what he’s said and what I know to be true, I can’t help thinking that I’d play better, be better, if she was on the road with us.
Chayton’s comment about catching more flies with honey than vinegar resurfaces. What’s Sawyer’s version of honey?
Chapter Thirteen
Sawyer
I’ve watched Logan’s postgame interview an embarrassing number of times. A number I will never admit out loud to anyone. After telling myself that this is definitely the last time because they played earlier this afternoon and I really need to go to bed, I rewind it again. I’m just about to hit Play when my doorbell rings.
Leaving the replay paused, I check the time on my phone as I walk to the door from the living room. It’s after midnight, which makes me wonder if it’s one of my four siblings. No messages, though. So, I scroll to my security camera app, and I suck in a deep breath.
Logan?
I open the door, and there’s always a beat when I first see him, where I’m surprised again at how tall he is, how broad. He’s a brick wall of a man, and his finely tailored suit only seems to emphasize his height and breadth. Every single timemy core warms at his proximity, as though his mere presence automatically cranks the preheat dial. A warmth that could too easily turn hotter than I can handle.
Minty goodness wafts toward me. After the game the other night, his skin smelled like a delicious mixture of peppermint and spearmint that made me want to bury my face in his neck, suck in a deep breath, and maybe run my tongue along the hollow there.
Heat creeps into my cheeks. I cannot believe I just thought that.
If I wasn’t slightly mortified by my reaction, surprise would probably overtake my embarrassment. Neither of us is doing anything out of the ordinary by standing here, but I would almost bet that whatever I feel in this moment, he feels it too. It justis. This spark of instantaneous lust has never happened to me before, and the fact thathe’sthe one inspiring it is…
