“Doc?” I call out, heart hammering. What I’m about to ask her will change my life—or it could, if I can get all the other pieces to fall in the right direction. A big fuckingifat this point.
“Living room!” she calls back.
As soon as I enter the big open space, Sawyer sets down her book and rises to her feet, and I wonder if she can sense the nervous energy vibrating off me. If I propose this, and she still says no, I might fall to my knees and beg. That’s how desperate I feel to make my plan work.
“Are you okay?” she asks, scanning me from head to toe over and over.
I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t feel like I can get enough air in my lungs. No preamble. Just tell her.
“If I can figure out a way to stay on the island—to not be sent to Oregon or anywhere else—will you…” I run my hands through my hair, and they’re damp with nerves. My heart is beating as hard as after a cardio workout. “I want us to stay together, and I think I have a way.”
Her eyes widen, and she leaves the couch area to frame my face with her hands. “Don’t quit.”
“I’m not quitting,” I say with a nervous chuckle. “I don’tthinkI’m quitting.”
“What’s your plan?”
“I can take care of that part,” I say. “I just need to know where you stand. If I can stay here, can we stay together?”
“My timeline—”
“Fuck the timeline. We can go to the courthouse and get married today. Throw out your birth control tomorrow. I just want you.”
She lets out a little gasp.
“But if you don’t want me, if it’s not really the timeline,” I say, swallowing, “but it’sme, then I need to know. I need to know. I won’t fight the trade if it’s not me for you. Because it’s a thousand percent you for me. It’s just you. One year, two years, five years—name your timeline and I’ll meet it.”
“Logan,” she says, drawing me into a tight hug.
But it’s not an answer, and my whole body is still on high alert. Not even the close contact, which normally regulates me almost immediately, is enough.
“Don’t leave me hanging, doc.”
“Are you sure you don’t care about your ten-year timeline? I know what it’s like to feel like youhaveto do something.”
“The only thing I have to do is keep you in my life. As long as you’re okay with being more of a single parent when I’m on the road or at practice or any of the other hockey commitments, then I’ll be there at one hundred and ten percent whenever I can. I’ll show up for you in every way I can.”
“Yes,” she says, drawing back to frame my face again. “Yes. I love you. I love you so much.” Tears pool in her eyes and trickle down her cheeks. “I want that life with you so much.”
Everything that was tight and tense with longing inside me unravels at her words, and I kiss her, wrapping my arms around her back and holding her close. “Thank god,” I whisper into her ear. “Thank god.”
“I’m sorry,” she says against my shoulder. “I didn’t think it was fair to tell you that I loved you when we had such different ideas on our futures. Maybe I should have. I’ve felt it for a long time. So long.”
“I still don’t know if I can make this work,” I admit looking down at her. “Bit of a Hail Mary.” In my pocket, my phone buzzes, and I let go of her to dig it out. Another text from Jonathan saying the deal will likely be announced in the next forty-eight hours. They’re just hammering out some final items. “The reminder that I’m running out of time.” I flash my phone at Sawyer. “I have to go.”
“Can I help?” she asks.
“No.” I kiss her forehead. “My agent is flying in, but ultimately, I get a yes or a no.”
“If it’s a no,” she says, clutching onto my T-shirt, “it might not have to be a ‘no’ for us.”
I search her face because I don’t want her to feel like she has to give up her life for mine. But it might come to that. I don’t know yet. “Might take me a day or two to sort this out one way or another,” I admit.
“If you need me, I’m here, and if you just need a bit of space to do whatever you need to do, that’s okay too.”
“I really love you, you know? Never knew I could love this much.” I kiss her forehead again. “Either way, I’ll be in touch.”
“Okay,” she says, following me to the door. “And if thereissomething I can do…”
