“Keep your voice down. Austin’s asleep.”
I already lost one man tonight. I can’t lose her too. But the fear comes out twisted, sharper than I mean it to. “I want an explanation. Now.”
“And I want you to leave.”
The words immediately suck the air out of the room. I’ve fucked this up, let my anger about Logan bleed all over her.
“I’m not leaving.”
“Fine. But you’re sleeping on the couch.”
She grabs a pillow, throws it on the couch, and storms back to her room.
I deserve that. Hell, I deserve worse.
I strip down to my boxers and stretch out on the lumpy couch, staring at water stains on the ceiling. Everything about tonight was wrong. The plan, the execution, taking it out on Nina.
Small footsteps on hardwood make me look up.
Austin stands there in dinosaur pajamas, bare feet, head tilted. “You were really loud. It scared me.”
Christ. I’ve stared down men with guns at my head without flinching, but one scared look from my kid destroys me. Add traumatizing a child to tonight’s failures.
“I’m sorry, buddy.” I sit up and pat the couch beside me, but he doesn’t move. He’s afraid of me.
I’ve never felt smaller.
I get off the couch and crouch down to his level, meeting those eyes that look too much like mine. “I’m really sorry I scared you. I had a bad night, but that’s no excuse.”
The words feel strange in my mouth. I don’t apologize. Not to anyone.
But with him, I want to get it right. For once, I want to be the man someone small can depend on instead of fear.
He considers this with six-year-old gravity, then nods.
“Are you okay now?”
It’s a simple question, but from him it hits like a punch to the ribs. “Yeah, kiddo. I am.”
And surprisingly, it’s true. This tiny person checking on me has dissolved more anger than a fifth of whiskey could.
“Good. Mommy says going to bed mad gives you stomach aches.”
I laugh, unexpected and genuine. “Your mom’s pretty smart. Thanks for checking on me. Back to bed now, yeah?”
Austin nods and heads back down the hallway. That’s when I notice Nina watching from the shadows. She touches Austin’s hair as he passes, giving me a soft look that says she saw the whole thing.
I watch him disappear into his room, this little boy who just reminded me what really matters. My chest feels tight, but not from anger this time. From something I don’t have a name for yet. Something that makes me want to be better than I am.
Nina walks over to me, her bare feet silent on the hardwood. “Bad night?” Her hand finds my cheek.
“You heard all that?”
“I did. Is that why you stormed in here yelling at me?”
I run a hand through my hair. “Partly. Look, I still don’t like not knowing where you were, but I’ll admit I was already wound up from other shit.”
“Want to talk about it?”
