If she’s taken back by my tone, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she offers me a sad, small smile. “I didn’t win anything, Maximus. I achieved two of my goals—theonlytwo things keeping me alive. Death was supposed to be a mercy.”
I swallow. Her words hit much harder than I want to admit, because I’ve been there, too. After my parents died and I assumedshedied, I was devastated.Broken. I was a shell of the man I was trying tobecome… and there were moments when I thought I’d lost too much to go on, either.
But Ember doesn’t havenothing. She has me. She has my love, and she’s had it for over a decade. That love’s evolved from friendship to something more. I loved her even when I thought she was dead.
Can’t that be enough for her?
But I can’t outright say that. With her memories back or not, Ember isn’t the girl she once was. She’s evolved to something very different.
“We made a deal, if you recall.” I straighten. “I protect Alina from Dagon, and you belong to me. Don’t tell me that you’ve taken to breaking deals, Flame.”
“You’re really going to enforce that?”
“To my very last breath.”
Ember doesn’t bother with one of the guest bedrooms tonight. She knows I’ll follow her in there.
I want to strip her down and fuck her until shescreamsher will to live, but I don’t. Whether or not she admits it or evenrealizesit, she’s fragile right now. She needs affection, not a hard fuck.
So, when she climbs into bed, I climb in right beside her and gently draw her to my chest. She doesn’t fight me, quip, or try to escape. She melts into my touch.
Her brain might not care that she’s remembered me, but her body tells a different story. She was always meant to be in my arms.
“That night, when you kissed me,” I whisper against her hair. “My God, the thoughts that were running through my mind. I thought I’d lose it. I wanted to do terrible,wonderfulthings to you, but you were too young.”
She’s silent for so long, I think she might be asleep. Then, she finally speaks. “I waited for you the rest of that year.” She pauses. “I was devastated when you didn’t come home for spring break. And when the end of the year rolled around…” she shakes her head. “Then, it was too late.” I hear her swallow. “You missed my birthday for the first time.”
Aw, shit.
“I was in a major fight with my parents. Don’t know if I ever told you this, Flame, but they were mafia. My dad was right-hand to a very bad man. I found out before going to college—apparently, he wantedmeto take over the family business.”
She pulls back, catching my gaze. “I never knew. I’m so sorry.”
I shrug. “It’s fine. It is what it is. Not long before they died, I told my dad that I hated him, that he was a terrible person… and next thing I knew, I was getting a call from the police, informing me that they’d passed away. When I came home, you were gone.” My eyes squeeze shut as the wave of memories washes over me. “My last interaction with my parents was basically me disowning them. Informing my father how much I hated him, and telling my mother that I thought she was weak for being with him. My last interaction withyouwas apologizing that I wasn’t going to be home for the summer… after I’d missed your birthday. The losses killed something in my soul.”
She’s quiet for a long time. Finally, she whispers, “You couldn’t have stopped anything that happened from happening—”
“But I could’vebeen there. For them, for you. I could’ve avoided letting my parents downright before they died,and not being around to protect you.”
“You didn’t let anyone down. You were still just a kid, Max, with the maturity of a 15-year-old. Your parents knew you loved them, despite everything. They always believed you’d come back eventually.”
“How would you know?” My tone is derisive. I don’t like living in the past any more than Ember does.
“They asked me about you. They knew we talked. I might not have knownwhyyou were fighting with them, but I knew you were. I told them that you were angry and needed space, but that you loved them.” She releases a quiet laugh. “When I got to that part, they didn’t seem concerned. Your mother said she knew you loved them, but that you had your father’s temper and ability to hold a grudge. They never, for a moment, doubted your love for them. Not for an instant.”
The burn in my eyes returns with a vengeance. I swallow past the knot in my throat. Her words don’t heal the long-festering wound of my parents’ loss, of myguilt, but they do soften the pain. They give me a morsel of peace where previously there was only an empty void of despair.
“And you?” I ask quietly. “Did you know?”
She’s quiet as she mulls it over. “I suspected. I hoped. I thought…” she cuts off with a soft laugh. “I convinced myself we were always meant to be together. It’s silly, my infatuation was silly and a byproduct of youth, but—”
“It was no such thing.” I cup her chin and direct her gaze to my own. “What you knew was the truth, Ember. We alwaysweremeant to be together. You were my endgame. Even when I thought you were gone, that didn’t change. It’s why I never had a meaningful relationship. Why I joined the Nighthawks. I didn’t want another chance atlove, because people onlygetone great love in this life. And I was lucky enough to have mine for a long time.”
Her eyes start to glimmer with something. She ducks her chin out of my hold and lowers her head, shaking it. “I… don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I don’t know what I feel now, Max. I’m fucked in the head. I don’t know what I want, or what I’m meant to do with my life. I don’t know what my fate is. I know I spent so long living for two things… and without those things, I feel lost. Empty.”
