I cut him off with a cruel laugh. “You won’t. He’s going to bury me alive. He’s going to take me where people can’t be found. He’s going to—”
I stand up. My entire body is trembling with the impending doom I feel creeping over the back of my neck. I’m so terrified I can’t eventhink… which is the first thing that needs to change.
Maximus catches my wrist and drags me back down to his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck.
In an instant, my fear turns to pure, unadulteratedrage. I tear myself out of his arms, and fall on him like a rabid beast. I pummel him with my fists, tear into his skin with my nails, even contemplate biting out his jugular… but I can’t bring myself to do it.
It takes me several minutes to realize that he’s not fighting back. His jaw is mottled and red, one of his eyes is turning blue, his lip is split in three places, and there are claw marks down the side of his face when I finally stop, because he’s not giving me the fight I’m craving.
He’s accepting the punishment I’m doling out. That really drives home the finality of what’s about to transpire.
“Cain doesn’t give a shit about what we do once he has his Chosen in his arms,” Max says when I falter. He turns his head and spits a gob of saliva and blood on the ground, then returns to staring at me. “You might have to walk over to Dagon, but he’s not taking you. I won’t fucking let him. I’ll kill him and—”
I cut him off with raucous, cruel laughter. “You don’t know Dagon,” I say harshly between shrill laughs that make me sound as crazy as I feel. “Ido. And I can tell you, Maximus, that he’s already considered possibilities. The moment I arrive to that exchange, everything will already be said and done. He’ll anticipate your moves beforeyou make them. So… spare me the bullshit. And don’t ever,evertouch me again.”
I turn and walk away from him. Go to the bedroom, slam the door shut behind me, and for the first time inyears,I let myself sob.
I cry like a child until my throat is raw and my tear ducts have run empty. I cry until my abdomen contracts with the force of my sobs. Only when my sorrow and pain has been expelled do I rinse my face in the bathroom.
Then, I start to plan.
Max doesn’t come to bed that night. I keep expecting him to walk through the door, either with a demand that I kneel or join him for food, but he leaves me be. That hurts more than I care to admit, but that also helps me do what needs to be done. I rummage around in the bathroom until I find what I need, spend an hour getting it into place, and another hour fixing the damage.
The pain is bad, but it’s a nice reminder of what’s to come… andthispain might be my only shot of surviving Dagon, so I take it, and I revel in it.
Morning comes. Max still does not have the guts to show his face in front of me.
I don’t go to him, and I ignore the slight ache in my chest that prompts me to reconcile with him before I never see him again. He doesn’t deserve reconciliation or forgiveness.
He deserves to rot in fucking hell for committing the worst sin of all.
Giving me hope.
I trained that feeling out of myself. I lived life free of its constraints for half a decade. I made myself into a robot… and Max swiftly and succinctly tore down the layers protecting me, exposing me to my worst fault of all.
The existence of my humanity.
I contemplate killing him once and for all, but decide to let him live so he can suffer through the misery of what he’s done. I hope it eats him alive. I hope it drives him to put a gun to his head and—
No. I can’t even make myself think the thought.
Evening falls, and the terror I was feeling fades.
Dagon will not get me alive. I’ve ensured it.
So, whenCainwalks into the bedroom, I’m ready. I’ve smothered out the feeling of traitorous hope I felt.
“He’s that much of a coward, then?” I ask. “He won’t even take me himself?”
Cain appraises me with a cool stare. “Max is many things, several of them less than admirable. A coward has never been one of them.”
I scoff. “Right.”
“Come on,” he says. “Don’t be difficult. I’m not in a lenient mood.”
I gather every morsel of hopelessness, stand, and follow him to my death.
Chapter Forty
