When Luis hung up, instead of feeling relieved, he just felt angry. His mother was somewhere in a jail cell, and it was hisfault. He knew she’d pushed him to this, but he hated her for it. Hated that it had to be him to do it.
He had every right, and a part of him still felt like he’d betrayed her. Who had theirmotherarrested?
He scrubbed a frustrated hand through his hair. Wasn’t he supposed to be past this guilt? Luis squeezed his eyes shut and imagined his guitar smashed up in a dumpster somewhere. He’d done the right thing.
It wasn’t fair he had to feel bad aboutthis too.
Every night that week Luis had a nightmare. They were all slightly different variations on a theme. In every one he was in the basement of the church and couldn’t get out.
He shifted his schedule to be more in line with Julien and Karim’s, thinking maybe the change would shake something different out of his subconscious.
It didn't.
By Thursday, Luis started setting alarms every two hours so he wouldn’t slip too deep into sleep and dream. It worked for three days until, exhausted, he slept through an alarm and woke up screaming.
Karim was beside him when he woke. Julien stood in the doorway.
“I’m fine,” Luis said quickly, gasping for air. “Sorry, sorry.”
The fear still felt close, and he tried to swallow it back down. It was over. He needed to getover this.
“Stop apologizing,” Karim groused. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’m waking you both up almost every night.” His hands twisted together until Karim set one of his own on top.
“You’ve been through a lot,” Julien said carefully.
“Yeah, well. It’s over now. They’ve arrested half the people,” Luis said bitingly. “I just–I should start looking for new apartments. Stop bothering you.”
Karim made a sound of derision, and Julien stepped closer. “Sweetheart, you’re welcome to stay, it’s no bother,” Julien said. “We’re glad you’re here, safe.”
“But…” Luis gestured vaguely.
“I didn’t sleep for a month,” Karim said, “After my father tried to stake me in bed.”
Luis jolted. “What?”
Karim shrugged. “Bad parents, you and I have that in common.”
Julien’s hand fell on Karim’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. “It’s true,” Julien said. “He still has periods where he has nightmares, even though his father has been dead for a long, long time now. What you’re going through… we don’t expect you to just get over it. We don’t expect anything. However you feel, however you work through it, we’re just here to support you.”
Karim’s hand on his squeezed, and Luis felt the corners of his eyes prickle.
“God, you two are too nice,” Luis said.
Karim snorted. “I don’t think anyone’s called me too nice before.”
Julien laughed.
“Listen,” Karim said, more seriously, “What works for me sometimes is changing the environment. When I’m having a hard time, sometimes I’ll go sleep in a different bedroom, or we’ll repaint the walls. Putting yourself in a different space can nudge your brain on a new path.”
Luis looked at him dubiously. “I’m not going to repaint your walls,” he said.
Karim rolled his eyes. “No, idiot, but maybe–” He paused, turning to look at Julien.
“I don’t know,” Julien said, as if Karim had asked something.
“That’s not a no,” Karim said, then he turned back to Luis. “What about sleeping with us?”
