18
As it turned out,Interview with the Humanwas one of those plays where the actors pull gullible audience members on the stage to be a part of the performance. Want to guess who they chose as their “volunteer” for the night?
Halfway through the hilarious production, which centered on flamboyant vampires interviewing straightlaced humans (who were, in reality, also vampires) about their beliefs on the supernatural, the leading lady glowered at the audience and demanded, “All the mortals, make your presence known now or pay the consequences later!” Robert burst out laughing when I, the lone human in attendance, was the only one to raise my hand.
Once I was onstage, I was cloaked in a black velvet cape and instructed to demonstrate what I’d be like as a vampire. If you’ve never looked down at a dark room aglow with about two hundred spectral eyes, let me tell you, it was surreal. After a bit of waffling, I fluttered the cape, curled my hands into claws, and hissed, “I vant to suck your blood,” like I was Bela Lugosi.
Apparently, I didn’t do a good job, because the entire audience booed and proclaimed that I was, “Terrible! Terrible!” The actors must have thought the same thing, because they grouped around me and shrieked, “Bite her! Drain the human dry!”
Suddenly, I was enveloped by about twenty fang-baring vampires who tossed handfuls of shiny red confetti all over me. Meant to represent blood, I realized. I received a standing ovation for playing along with the gag, dramatically shouting, “Help me, Robert!” at my date—client—who simply grinned up at me from his seat and shook his head.
Robert and I were still laughing about the whole thing as we slid into his limo. “That was easily the most fun I’ve had in my entire life,” I told him enthusiastically, and I meant it. “Thank you again for the wonderful evening.”
“It’s not over yet,” he said, studying his watch. “We’ve still got some time.”
It pleased me, knowing that he wasn’t ready to call it a night—er, morning, technically, since it had just turned one. My body clock was going to get confused with this new schedule. Totally worth it, though, for as much fun as I was having.
“Where would you like to go?” Carl asked from the driver’s seat.
Robert and I turned to one another in search of suggestions. I didn’t have too much to contribute as far as ideas, being a day person. I suspected there was a place he wanted to go but was hesitant to reveal.
After a bit of back-and-forth, he finally said, “I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this. It’s just, well . . . I would like to get to know you better. On a personal level.” He must have seen a questionable expression on my face because he quickly clarified, “What your personal life is like, I mean. How you live.”
I sat back against the cool leather seat. “Oh. So, you’re saying . . . Are you saying you want to go to my place?”
“If you are okay with it, that is. I don’t want to intrude or—”
“No, that’s great. Let’s do that,” I smiled, immediately wondering about the state of the apartment. “I’m just going to shoot Liz, my roommate, a text to let her know that we’re coming.”
“Won’t she be sleeping? It’s late.”
I laughed. “Unlikely. She’s more of a night owl than most vampires.”
I gave Carl directions to my place and then tapped out a text to Liz.Are you up? Robert and I are coming to hang out at the apartment.
She replied instantly:Omg!!!!!! Are you serious? Hot ass Robert Bramson? I look like hell!
Aware Robert was watching me, I did my best to keep my face dispassionate.Calm your tits, he’s with me! You’d better not freak out when we get there!
Liz:LOL. I’ll try.
Me:Can you do me a favor and check to see if there’s anything embarrassing in my room like dirty underwear on the floor? Maybe make my bed? Next pizza is on me!
Liz:Not home yet you dirty bitch. Like 5 mins away. I’ll clean like the wind.
Me:Have I ever told you you’re the best? See you in about 20.
I turned back to Robert, who was staring at me oddly. “We’re all set!”
He reached over to touch my thigh but pulled his hand back before he made contact. I wanted to shake the vamp by the shoulders and shout in his face, “Why do you keep doing that?Make a move already! It’s okay if you touch me—I actuallywantyou too!”
Look, I appreciate a gentleman as much as the next girl, and I was happy he was so respectful of my boundaries. Still, when it came to Robert, I was looking for more boudoir than buddy, you get me? Perfume, hair flipping, flirting, accidentally-on-purpose brushing my leg against his—I was trying my best here, but the vampire was old-fashioned to a fault.
What I truly believed, though it was never voiced outright by the vamp, was that he didn’t want me to feel obligated to get physical with him since I was technically on the clock during our time together. If I could only find a way to causally inject, “Don’t worry, I won’t feel like a hooker if you try sexing me up,” into our conversation, things might go my way.
He asked, “What happened to your legs? They’re all scratched up. I didn’t know you have a cat.”
“I don’t,” I said breezily. I was surprised he hadn’t seen them sooner. I flapped a hand, not wanting to get into too much detail. “Oh, it was a silly thing. I was jogging last night, and I thought . . . It was nothing.”
