My words oozing with sarcasm, I said, “I’ll make you a deal, Liz. How about you don’t lecture me on higher education, and I won’t debate with you the best hair masks for spilt ends. Sound good?” In truth, I thought it was so cool that she was a hairdresser, which I’d only told her about a thousand times. I’d only wanted to hurt her the same way she’d hurt me.
Clearly, I’d succeeded, because her nostrils were flaring.
“Fuck you, Olivia,” she hissed, her face lobster red. “Fuck.Youuuuuuuuuuu.”
“Oh, so it’s okay foryouto say all kinds of nasty things, but the minute someone talks back to Queen Elizabeth it’s like murder has been committed!” I took a moment to get a grip, pinching the bridge of my nose to steady my nerves. “This is stupid. What are we even arguing about anymore? We’ve both had way too much to drink. We should stop right now before we say things we’re going to regret.”
“I think we’re way past that now,” she said, skulking into her room. “But at least now I know how youreallyfeel about me.”
“So . . . that’s it? We’re done talking?”
“Well, I’d hate to force you to keep talking to a dumbass hairdresser who is so far below your intellect.”
I opened my mouth to protest, and she slammed the door in my face.
“Broke biiiiiiiitch!” she yelled loud enough for me—and probably our neighbors ten blocks away—to hear. It must have felt good, because she added, “Snob!”
“Fair weather friend!” I shouted back. “Deserter!”
I skulked into my own room and banged the door shut. Our upstairs neighbor, mean old Batty Betty, whacked the floor with what had to be her cane. Trembling like a leaf, I leaned back against my door and gave the ceiling the finger.
My mouth tasted vile, and I was dying for water. I so badly wanted to go into the kitchen, stick my head into the sink, and suck at the faucet like a nursing calf. But that would require walking past Liz’s room, and I didn’t trust myself to keep my mouth shut, furious as I was. On the bright side, the taste inside her mouth was probably a lot worse than mine on account of her vomiting.
I opened the tin on my desk and dumped a handful of chalky mints onto my tongue, a skanky substitute for brushing my teeth. Huge mistake. After a few crunches, my throat was aflame with menthol potent enough to stop a herd of charging rhinos in their tracks. I got into bed so I couldn’t cause any more damage to myself. The way my night was going, I’d probably find a way to strangle myself with my bra.
I pulled the covers up under my chin, so riled that I couldn’t imagine falling asleep for hours. However, soon my breathing slowed and the harsh words echoing through my mind became a faraway jumble of chatter. I let go of consciousness completely, sinking deeper into a void of dreamless sleep.
6
Startled by the tawny sunrays that blasted through the curtains, I sat up with a start. I frowned at the alarm clock on the nightstand, confused by the numbers. I’d expected it to be maybe ten, eleven o’clock in the morning, but it was five in the afternoon. Somehow (eh-hem, two bottles of wine), I’d slept straight through the day.
I groped around and found the lamp, cringing as its harsh light assaulted my retinas. My hung-over eyes were sandpapery, my mouth plastered shut. My tongue made a revolting smacking sound as I sucked it loose. I needed water desperately.
I pulled on my robe and padded into the kitchen. Much to my relief, the apartment was quiet. There was a note on the fridge:
Went to stay at David’s.
You know where to find me.
—L
I’d been hoping Liz had been so drunk last night that she’d wake up this morning completely oblivious to the screaming match that had taken place, a kind of merlot lobotomy. Evidently, that wasn’t the case. She must still be really pissed if she was willing to endure David’s weird, stinky roommate for the sake of avoiding me. I felt bad about the words we’d exchanged, but if that’s how she wanted to be, fine. Stubborn as she was, there was nothing I could say or do to smooth things over untilshewas ready to smooth things over. I’d just have to wait it out.
I yanked open the fridge and nearly wept at the sight of the full Brita pitcher. Two gigantic glasses of wonderfully cold liquid later and my thirst was quenched. I returned the jug to the fridge and explored the scant contents inside. As usual there wasn’t much to eat, unless an expired bottle of ketchup and unidentifiable piece of shriveled fruit qualified as food. Plus, there was the godforsaken grapefruit juice, which might as well have been marked with a skull and crossbones.
If only I had money for pizza, I thought, letting out a squeal as I suddenly remembered the thousand bucks I’d won. I trotted back to my bedroom and snatched my purse off the floor, dumping the cash onto the bed. I’d be lying if I claimed I felt no urge to flop down and roll around naked amongst the bills, even if there was only ten.
I frowned at the white rectangle standing out from all the green, it’s sleek, bold lettering as intriguing as when I’d first read it. DIGNITARY. Curious, I pulled out my laptop and ran a quick Google search for the business. Not surprising, I came up empty.
That pale rich guy, Michael, had said Dignitary was exclusive, and that his clients valued their privacy. But what service, exactly, did he provide? Whatever it was, I hadn’t forgotten how rich he’d said it could make me.
I glanced at the money on my bed. While I was happy I’d won it, it was merely a drop in the bucket considering how much I owed bill collectors. And then there was the other pressing matter of having to find somewhere new to live.
I picked up the card and tapped it against my palm. I could keep an open mind. It wouldn’t hurt to call and see what I was missing, right? If I got the sense anything hinky was happening, I could just hang up. There was no crime in that.
Still, my heart was thudding.
Before I had a chance to chicken out, I grabbed my phone and tapped in the number.
