"Don't fucking call me ‘baby’."
"You seemed like you were enjoying it. I'm sorry, baby. I didn't come, though. I kept my word to you."
"Ha! As long as you kept your fucking word and you didn't come while your fingers were buried DEEP in that bitch's pussy and while you were making out with her last night more than youwere with me! God, I fucking hate how clueless you are. You havenoconcept of what it feels like to be hurt and betrayed by someone."
"Howexactlydid I betray you?" Lincoln's voice raises, becoming more defensive. "You and I are not together, a fact that youconstantlyshove in my face and let me know! You claim we're not ever getting back together, you claim that you no longer belong to me and that I can do whatever I want, but then you're giving me mixed signals when you get mad at me for not being exclusive with you when this—"
"—I'm not saying that we have to necessarily beexclusive, but I don't want to be fucking around with you doing friends with benefits and shitwhileyou'realsodoing it with other people, which is something I told you I wasn't down with!" I say.
"I thought your main thing was that I don't come, which is something that I adhere to for you because this whole thing that we're doing is fun for us."
"You asshole! That's why you think we're doing this?!"
"Well, then why else are we doing this because you're confusing the fuck out of me, Gabby. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't do anything wrong. Yes, that's the woman I cheated on you with, and I'm so sorry, and no matter how many times I say I'm sorry, that's not going to change that fact, but we're no longer together, something that youkeepon claiming, andyouwere getting fucked by her."
"I DIDN’T… OH MY GOD! I didn’t ask for that!" I shriek.
"Yeah, well, you got it. I didn’t fuck Sarah. I haven’t in a while."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"Since we agreed to hold off from me coming, I haven't fucked her."
"And what is the reason we were even doing that whole thing, Lincoln? Or do you have short-term memory? Why am I even asking? You're going to forget the next second."
"What are you… can you stop fighting with me and just tell me what—"
"Why do I bother? You're going to forget anyway," I mutter in fury.
"Baby, please."
"I don't want to talk to you," I cut him off.
My heart is shattered into a thousand jagged pieces, each one slicing deeper with every beat, because despite everything, despite the betrayal, the lies, the wreckage he left, I still love Lincoln with a ferocity that terrifies me. I don't want him involved at all with Sarah, not a whisper, not a glance, nothing.
And the fact that he never even made an attempt to remove himself from the situation last night makes me feel as though he still wants her, or that's what he really wants, her…
Alwaysher; lurking in the shadows of us like a ghost I can't exorcise.
Then again, he's a guy, so they're going to naturally go after whatever's hanging in front of their face, but it just shows me that it's a pipe dream, the hope that he'll have self-control.Maybe in my little fanfiction mind, I believed that if he stood on his two feet and denied Sarah and distanced himself away from her and prioritized me and how he felt about me, that maybe I could make myself feel better and think that in some other parallel universe, my ex-husband would have the capability of living happily ever after with me.
We want what we want, and sometimes wanting is not enough.
-??-
Chapter 30
It's a fresh Monday morning, and I'm starting my new job as an Internal Dispatch Runner for Helion. I carry internal mail, reports, prototypes, data drives, and packages between departments, zipping from floor to floor, keeping everything flowing without a hitch. Or trying.
The guy who's basically my supervisor, Fabian, walks me through everything on day one. Part of the gig entails delivering physical docs from Level C up to Level B, Lincoln and Sarah's department, then bringing signed forms over to engineering, picking up test results to run back to admin. Sometimes I even drop off coffee runs or supply orders if someone's desperate and the machine's on the fritz.
Fabian also instructs me as to what I can expect working this job: most times I'll have to handle small deliveries inside the building, but the great thing about this job is that I do not need technical training, just organization and good communication. It's literally internal delivery.
Simple.
Familiar.
Perfectly fits my background from years of courier/delivery work, hustling packages across Hudson Vale.
