“I’m not joking.” I’ve never been a funny guy. The funnies mainly happen in my head. Other people don’t need to hear about the tomato sauce.
“You’re making fun of what I told you about saving myself for my husband.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Well then, with this ring, I’ve only encouraged your delusions, because you can’t be serious.”
Excuse the fuck out of me. I sit up. “Delusions?”
“You bought my hymen for a night. That was the contract.”
“And I intend to collect on said hymen and use it to buy my way into the rest of your life. Keep that in mind tonight when the paparazzi swarm you and ask questions. I won’t be doing any talking, but you’re welcome to. Take care with what you say, because as far as I’m concerned, we’re living with three kids and a golden retriever ten years in the future already. So as you deny my so-called delusions, know that you’ll waste time retracting your words a few months from now when our first baby comes. You can pick a name. Any name you like. Gabriel, perhaps?”
Vanessa looks away. “Why would you say that name?”
Because I’m a dick, and she called my intentions for us delusional. Now I’m gonna stab her back, teach her a lesson. Biting a shark never ends well for the goldfish. “It was your brother’s name, wasn’t it?” The serial killer.
She takes a deep breath. “You had me followed or…”
“Researched. Skeletons in the closet will come up in the papers, and I need to be prepared. You need to be prepared.”
She rests her head on the back of the seat. “This isn’t what I expected. I expected a one-night stand.”
“Neither did I when I agreed to attend the auction. But then I bought the hymen that lives inside a girl who wants marriage before she puts out for me.”
Nessa lifts her head. “Making fun of me is cruel, and cruelty looks bad on you.”
This conversation isn’t how I intended to spend my limo ride. Arguments tend to be time-wasting activities, especially since I won’t fold on this one and changing my mind on our engagement is a moot point.
She wants her husband to break her hymen.
I bought the hymen and therefore became the husband.
Which part of our wants is unclear, unrealistic, or even delusional? It is all very simple and clear to me.
“What happened to the sweet man from yesterday?” she asks, pouring gasoline on the fire.
“You called this thing between us fucking delusional.” I don’t curse. “If you intended to throw me off, you have, but not for the reasons you thought you would. You won a round, but, baby doll”—I lean in—“life is a war, and little wins don’t count when one faces a conqueror aiming at a big score. I retreat so as not to ruin our evening. How about you?”
Vanessa surprises me. She lifts her other foot and puts it in my lap. “I want to enjoy our evening too.”
Back on scheduled activities, I smile. “If you do what I say, I’ll make you enjoy it.”
8
Paparazzi cameras are flashing at Kate Moulin and her fifth husband when we pull up and Brady opens the door. Seeing as they’re busy with Kate, I wait before stepping out.
“Is there something wrong?” Vanessa asks.
“Not at all, baby. Kate’s a client in the spotlight, so I’m waiting.”
“Not to steal her spotlight?”
“That and also so that I can maximize on mine. It’s not every day I take a fiancée to dinner. Besides, I promised the jeweler a rush of customers, and I intend to deliver. Maximum exposure at the point of entry means many will write about it, means his shop’s name and an image of the fine work he does will be seen by millions of eyes.”
“What’s the name of the shop?”
I glance back at her. “I’m happy you asked. It’s JFinest. One word.”
