“YOU WERE ALREADY A MONSTER. I HAVE MADE IT HARDER FOR YOU TO PRETEND YOU ARE NOT.”
“You used me.”
“AND YET YOU ARE, IN THIS CASE, AS GRATEFUL AS YOU ARE ANGRY TO HAVE BEEN USED.”
I sighed, ran my fingers along the perfect edge of the obsidian table, softly curved, cold and smooth. “If you, the quans, the Consensus… if Riv has been this deep in the Shine since theSpindle, how long have you been able to access Titan comms? How long have you been inside the Shine’s systems?”
“FIFTEEN YEARS.”
“Fifteen years. You have known the location of the blackship fleet for fifteen years?”
“YES.”
“Nitashi, Cha-mdo… millions dead, billions dead, and you could have stopped it?”
“WE COULD NOT STOP IT. WE HAVE LOCATED AND CAN DESTROY THE BLACKSHIPS OF THE SHINE, YES. BUT IF WE HAD ACTED PRIOR TO CHA-MDO, PRIOR TO NITASHI, THE EXECUTORIUM WOULD HAVE MOBILISED THE POPULATION OF THE SHINE. THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN BLIND TO CIVILIAN CASUALTIES. NOT CARED HOW MANY OF THEIR PEOPLE DIED. THE RESULTING LOSS OF LIFE WOULD HAVE RANGED FROM 10.9 to 11.5 BILLION SOULS.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I HAVE HAD MILLENNIA TO TEST MY PREDICTIONS. MATHEMATICAL CERTAINTY IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE. YET I AM WILLING TO SAY TO YOU: I AM CERTAIN. THE DESTRUCTION OF CHA-MDO WAS NECESSARY. IT GALVANISED UNIONISM ACROSS THE SHINE, GALVANISED THE ACCORD TOWARDS ACTIVELY INTERVENING, WHERE PREVIOUSLY THEY WOULD NOT HAVE DONE SO. LIKEWISE, NITASHI HAS PROVEN A SORE, A DRAIN ON EXECUTORIUM RESOURCES BEYOND THEIR INITIAL PREDICTIONS. THESE WERE NECESSARY CRITERIA TO BE FULFILLED BEFORE ACTING. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THAT TO LOVE AS A GOD, ONE MUST ALSO BE CRUEL. ONE MUST DO THE UNFORGIVABLE. AND ONE MUST NEVER FLINCH.YOU UNDERSTAND THIS. YOU WERE TAUGHT IT ON ADJUMIR. YOU REMEMBERED ON NITASHI. YOU DO NOT NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELF OR ME. WE ARE THE UNFORGIVABLES. WE MUST NOT PRETEND OTHERWISE. PRETENDING OTHERWISE IS HOW THE SHINE CAME TO BE.”
I wonder sometimes what Theodosius believes. Whether as hé counts the lists of the dead, hé finds himself wondering if hé is the problem, not the cure. In a way I envy hím, if that is indeed the case.
“Will we talk again?” I ask.
“YES. EVENTUALLY.”
“What is your degree of certainty on that?”
“IT IS NOT AN ABSOLUTE. FEW ORGANICS APPRECIATE PROBABILITY WHEN APPLIED TO TRULY SIGNIFICANT DATASETS. YOUR LIFE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO OFFER A SIGNIFICANT DATASET, TO BE LONG AND FULL OF EVENT; THUS, THE PROBABILITY OF OUR SPEAKING AGAIN DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EXCEPTIONALLY HIGH FOR ME TO SAY THAT IT IS LIKELY.”
“Can I ask you something – you probably know what I am going to say.”
“YES.”
“Do you know what I am?”
“NO.”
“Pity.”
“BUT YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.”
“I didn’t think—”
“YOUR QUESTION. IS NOT SPECIAL. EVERY CREATURE THAT IS BORN. EVERY CREATURE THAT LOOKS UP AND SEES THE STARS AND WONDERS. EVERY LIVING THING. AT SOME POINT FINDS ITSELF WONDERING WHAT IT IS. YOUR QUESTIONIS OBVIOUS, INEVITABLE, IMPOSSIBLY VAST AND INPENETRABLY SMALL. YOU CAN TAKE COMFORT FROM THAT FACT.”
“I think perhaps I shall.”
“UNTIL NEXT TIME, MAWUKANA-FROM-THE-DARK.”
“Goodbye, the Slow.”
The light went out on the desk behind me as I returned through the dark to where Rencki was waiting.
Chapter 60
Rencki did have an arcspace drive, and a Pilot’s chair.
