“I actually wanted to run something by you. Do you think you and Violet can accompany us to visit Jude’s grave?” I inquired.
Micah had a surprised expression on his face. “If that’s what you want, of course. Can I ask what brought this about?”
“I think it’s time. Things are going well between us. I feel like I need to take Reign—and get Jude’s blessing about us, if that makes sense. I know it sounds crazy, but if I can’t visit his grave without breaking down, can I really move on?”
“If you need this, I’ll support you. It doesn’t matter what I think, and no, it doesn’t sound crazy. Everyone heals differently. I’m just happy you want to do this because of how well things are going with us,” Micah said as he pulled me in for a hug.
“Let me grab the girls so we can get this over with. There’s no need for them to start playing,” I replied as I made my way toward Violet’s bedroom.
Thirty minutes later, we pulled up to the only cemetery in town. The location of Jude’s grave was a reminder of how his mother fought with me about his final resting place. I wanted him buried on my family’s land. Sarah, Jude’s mother, wanted Jude buried with the rest of her family. I wasn’t mentally in a place to challenge her back then. I shook the memory from my mind. It wasn’t the time to harp on what didn’t happen all those years ago.
I directed Micah toward Jude’s final resting place. When Micah parked the car, it took me a minute to get out. The girl’s chatter was the only thing that filled the car.
When they noticed we weren’t moving, Reign asked, “Mommy, what are we doing here?”
I took a deep breath and unhooked my seatbelt. Next, I got out of the car, walking toward the back door where she sat. “I brought you here to talk to someone very special. Why don’t you come take a walk with me?” I replied.
Reign took hold of my hand as we walked toward Jude’s headstone. He was in the third row. Micah and Violet stayed behind in the car to give us some privacy. Jude’s headstone was the largest in the row. That was my first time seeing it, and it was beautiful. My favorite photo of him adorned the stone. It read,Loving husband, father, and son.
Reign looked up at me as I felt tears fall down my cheeks.
“You didn’t get a chance to meet your dad. He loved you so much and would talk to you in my belly every chance he got. Your father was a great man. In so many ways, you remind me of him. Even though it drives me crazy, I love your desire to know everything. He was the same way. Your dad loved to learn. He was always reading, just like you,” I expressed to Reign.
“Is that my daddy’s face? It looks like the picture you keep in my room,” she replied.
“Yes, that’s him. I wanted us to come out here and tell him about our new lives. He would be happy to know we’re doing well,” I said.
Reign looked at me for a moment, as if she didn’t know what to do.
“You just tell him whatever is in your heart. While he isn’t here with us physically, he can still hear us. He is here in spirit. Tell him anything. He’s listening,” I coaxed.
With a nod of her head, Reign took in my words and spoke out loud.
“Hi, Dad. Mommy tells me all about you all the time. I’m sad I didn’t get to meet you. Mommy and I moved in with Nana and PopPop, and I love it. I made a new best friend. Her name is Violet. Her daddy is Micah, and he and Mommy like each other. I like Micah too. He makes Mommy smile. And he’s funny,” she said.
Reign continued on a little longer before she finally stopped. When she looked up at me, I realized it was my turn.
“Hi, my love. I miss you every day. Can you believe Reign and I moved back home? I realized we needed to be around our family. While we’re missing you, we’re adjusting well. Nana and PopPop are happy to have us home. They finished our house, and from the outside, it’s beautiful. I think I’m finally ready to move into it. It seemed wrong to live there without you, but I realized Reign and I need our space. I’m sure you remember Micah from school. He and I are dating, which I never expected. I like him, and he’s been good to Reign and me. It seems surreal to think of being with anyone other than you. I hope I have your blessing to move on. My love for you will never die,” I said as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
Reign and I stood there a little longer, holding hands. When my spirit felt lighter, I knew it was okay to go. We walked back to the car. Micah stood by the passenger side, and as we approached, he opened the back door for Reign, then opened the door for me. Once we were both situated, he got in the car himself.
“All good?” Micah asked.
I looked over at him and smiled. “All good. Do you mind if we make a stop before going back to your place?” I questioned.
“Sure. Just tell me where to,” he replied.
The girl’s laughter filled the car as we drove. Reign was still in good spirits, which made me happy. I was a little worried about how the visit would impact her. The idea of talking to a headstone could seem strange to some. For me, it was a needed step in the healing process. Micah looked over at me while he drove, as always. Every so often, I would give a smile to ensure I was okay.
When we reached our destination, knots formed in my stomach. There I was, showing up at her house unannounced, something I had to do before I lost my nerve.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Micah asked.
“No. I’ll be fine. Either she answers the door, or she doesn’t. I’ll just grab Reign,” I replied. I helped Reign out of the car, and we approached the front door of Jude’s childhood home. Something about talking to him at the cemetery made me want to visit Sarah. After Reign and I walked hand in hand and reached the door, I hesitated but finally found the nerve to knock. A minute later, I heard the door unlock.
“Oh my God, Reign! Is that you?” Sarah asked as she opened the door. Her hand covered her mouth in shock as she stepped out onto the porch. She looked back and forth from me to Reign a few times.
“It’s been a long time. I wanted to bring Reign by to see you,” I replied.
