I turned the water off and followed PopPop to the barn. The barn had been the place I avoided since we moved back. When he stopped in the stable, I hesitated, but as I walked in, I made a mental note of some updates. It wasn’t exactly how I remembered, but it was close. PopPop didn’t play about his barn. It was always clean. The land and everything on it were his pride and joy.
“I’m not sure what’s on your mind, Harley, but I know that riding used to make you forget all of your worries. Are you sure you don’t want to saddle up?” PopPop asked.
“I’m scared. I kept riding because it made me feel closer to Mom. When Lucy died, I told myself I would never ride again. It’s like everything I love dies—my mother, my horse, and my husband. I can’t take being close to anything or anyone else,” I admitted.
“Baby girl, that’s fear talking. Life and death are part of life. I won’t pretend that you haven’t experienced a lot of death at a young age, but the losses can’t make you afraid to live. I think today is a good day to put your losses aside. Your mother wouldn’t want you to stop doing something you loved,” he expressed.
“I’m scared, PopPop. It feels like I’m cursed,” I mumbled.
“No such thing. Come on. Let’s go for a ride for old times’ sake,” he said as he took my hand, walking me over to a beautiful black stallion. I rubbed the horse’s back as we became familiar with each other.
“I’m too rusty to ride a stallion,” I murmured shakily.
“No such thing. You’ve been riding since you could walk. Riding is second nature to you. Whenever you’re ready, saddle up,” he insisted.
I talked to the horse and continued to rub him. Once I was ready, I grabbed one of my old saddles, and after placing it on the horse, I asked, “What’s his name?”
“Lucky,” PopPop replied.
“Alright, Lucky, go easy on me,” I said as I mounted him. PopPop got his horse out of the stall next to Lucky’s. We had an hour or so before sunset. I eased Lucky out of the barn, and PopPop rode beside me on his horse. He let me set the pace and lead the way. I took the route we always took when I was younger; the only difference was that the route included going past my house.
“You know, one day, you’re going to have to go in there. I’ve been keeping up the property for you. Your grandmother is dying to decorate with you,” he said as we stopped in front of the house.
The builders had done a good job. It was a two-story craftsman-style home with four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, and a two-car garage. My grandparents had spared no expense in ensuring my family would have a place to call home.
“One step at a time, old man. I still can’t believe you got me on this horse,” I teased.
“He’s a beauty, isn’t he? I knew you wouldn’t need much convincing once you saw him,” he snorted.
“You know me so well, huh?”
“I’m proud of you, baby girl. Most people would have stopped living after the number of losses you have taken. Not only are you thriving, but your baby is too. You’re doing great,” he expressed.
My wet cheeks brought attention to the tears that had fallen. His words weren’t new to me, but being out on the land made them hit differently. I’d been moving so fast since we moved, and I hadn’t taken a moment to breathe. As we continued to ride, I could say it was the first time I had done so. It felt good to be doing something that I loved. It wouldn’t be the last day I would ride.
An hour later, we were back in the house. I went to finish the dishes while PopPop headed to bed. It amazed me how my grandparents were such early risers. Nana bathed Reign while we were out. After I finished the dishes, I went to Reign’s room. Our night routine included me reading her a story before bed. When I made it to her room, she was in bed, her book of choice lying next to her.
Reign was asleep before I made it past the first few pages. When I was certain she was sleeping, I placed it on her bookshelf. Before I left her room, I placed a kiss on her forehead, tiptoed out of her room, and headed to mine.
When I made it to my room, I did my nighttime routine, and after I was freshly showered, I got into bed. I let out a deep breath and sighed. The day started off shaky, but thanks to my grandfather, I overcame a fear. The ride on Lucky gave me back my sense of freedom that came from riding, and the fear of everything I loved dying no longer felt real to me.
Riding Lucky was the reminder I needed. PopPop was right. Riding a horse was just like riding a bike. With every stride Lucky took beneath me, my heart smiled. I knew my mother would be proud to see me back on a saddle. Part of keeping her memory alive consisted of doing things that reminded me of her, even if those things hurt a little. I didn’t want the fear of another loss to consume me.
“Alright,everyone, let’s simmer down. We need to discuss our bimonthly reading project,” I demanded of the class. I gave them all a few minutes to get quiet, and once they all faced my way, I spoke again.
“If you guys aren’t aware, the illiteracy rates in this country are less than subpar. With the rise of social media and technology, many people don’t read. I want everyone in here to be part of the literate group of people in America,” I stated.
“How are we going to do that, Mrs. Gray?” Shante asked.
I smiled because there was always one of them that was too eager to let me finish.
“We’re going to do bimonthly reading groups. Each group will have four people. Every month, one person will choose abook that the group will read. I’ll give final approval of the book. Each book will have a required page minimum of two hundred. Everyone will have to write a two-page summary of what they learned from the book. Then each group will have an in-class presentation of that information. This will increase your reading and public speaking.”
I heard the groans from the students I knew would dislike the project. As their teacher, it was my job to keep them sharp. Two months was more than enough time to read and give feedback. Even with such a generous timeline, I knew someone wouldn’t adhere to it.
“Oh, before I forget, there will be no extensions. This is an opportunity for you all to learn teamwork and accountability. If one person in the team doesn’t comply, you’re all at risk of having your grade reduced by 50 percent,” I advised.
“Mrs. Gray, that’s not fair. We can’t control other people,” Zachary complained.
