Though I had been told about these types of actions when I had come of age, something about this situation felt nothing like what I had been told. I hadn’t been told it would feel like I wanted to melt. Like I never wanted to be anywhere but here ever again.
I moaned as he continued his ministrations, his fingers playing with my entrance. He continued there for a few moments before giving me one final kiss and making his way up my body.
“I can’t lie to you,” he whispered as he leaned over me. “This will probably hurt. I’ve done all I can to make it nice for you.”
I knew what he was talking about, and honestly, I expectedit. I forced a smile on my lips as I caressed the side of his face and fought to control my breathing.
I could handle a little pain; the tattoo was proof of that. “I can take it,” I whispered.
He pressed his lips to mine again as he moved his hand down to pump himself a few times. “Are you ready?”
Unable to formulate words, it was all I could do to bob my chin.
That was all the permission he needed as he lined himself up with my entrance, pushing forward just a bit before pausing. One of his hands went to my breast, the other to the back of my neck as he thrust forward.
I fought the urge to cry out as pain seared through my midsection—I had to bite my lip to keep my mouth closed. I had been expecting pain, but it was much more intense than I had imagined.
I didn’t realize I had pinched my eyes closed, or that there were silent tears running wet paths down my cheeks, until he kissed them away. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern lacing his words as he held himself above me.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I lied, not wanting to ruin this moment.
“You don’t seem okay.” I felt his fingertips brush against my forehead. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, keeping going,” I lied a second time. I knew from what I had heard during my coming-of-age talk that the pain should dissipate. I needed him to keep going, it was the only way.
I didn’t want to reflect on this day and remember pain.
He began to move, and though the pain did fade, it took a long time for me to find the same burning need that I had when we had started. But he didn’t give up, giving me the pressure I needed on my clit as well as spending an inordinate amount of attention on my nipples, until I couldn’t stop my body from moving against his and I finally found the edge once more.
Though I had brought myself to orgasm before, there was something so special about having someone else bring you toone, which I realized as my world spun and the tension I had previously felt melted from my muscles.
I went limp, but he kept moving, his hips thrusting as he brushed a sweaty piece of hair from my face.
Soon, his breathing was heavy, alongside mine. “I’m close,” he whispered in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine. I was still so out of breath it was all I could do to nod.
He moaned a final time as I felt him flex inside of me. “I’m coming.” His voice shook as his body did just before he let his elbows bend, coming to rest beside me on the bed, his cock still inside me.
We lay there for an indescribable amount of time while we both caught our breath. Then, when he pulled out of me, I winced as a small twinge of pain came back. “I’m sorry.” He ran a finger down my check. “Next time will be better . . . nicer . . . I promise.”
I nodded, glad I was able to push through the pain. While it hadn’t been the best experience, I knew that the next time would be amazing. It had to be. I would accept nothing less.
This was what love was. The warmth which circulated through my blood, the security I felt as his arms held me and his head rested against mine.
Leif moved first, cleaning me up with a rag from the bathing room before tucking me beneath the bedcovers, enclosing me in his arms, and pulling me close to him. Though I enjoyed the physical touch, and the warmth that he provided, I couldn’t help but feel something was off. I don’t know what I expected of my first time being with a man, but it wasn’t that. Especially not with the way Leif had talked up weighted relationships. And after everything Leif had said about weighted the day before I was . . . disappointed, to say the least.
“Leif?”
“Hm?” he replied, sounding like he was falling asleep. Maybe he was.
“Was that what you expected of our first time?”
“Absolutely. It was everything I dreamed and more.”
While his words should have provided me with reassurance, they didn’t. I didn’t know what I had wanted him to say, I just knew it wasn’t that.
We remained like that, cuddling naked until the knock came at the door.
Our time was up.
