June rolled over so she couldn’t see her clock judging her.
From this angle, she was looking at a picture of her and Keith, one of her favorites. They were maybe twenty, maybetwenty-two in the photo. They had gone on a hike that Keith hadpromisedwouldn’t be too arduous for a novice like June.
He had been, in a word, a liar.
Less than a quarter of the way, June had felt like she was about to fall over. Keith had plied her with snacks to keep her going. Granola bars, trail mix, chips. The food had boosted her spirits… right up until it had started to pour.
By the time the rain had begun, they were too far to turn back. They’d forged ahead, darting between trees, getting soaked and then more soaked until June had felt as though they were basically made out of water.
And then they’d gotten to the most beautiful vista. The rain had stopped and it had been just so perfect.
In the photo, they looked waterlogged, sweaty, and bedraggled. And they had the biggest smiles on their faces.
“I messed up,” she told the photo. “I wanted to be brave. I mean, I’ve always wanted to sing. You know that. And it’s been… it’s been a million years since I tried. But when I got my chance, I messed up.”
Keith in the photo kept smiling at her. June used to find that upsetting, like a reminder that he was gone and there was nothing she could do to change that. Now, however, she felt his grin like a reminder of the version of herself she’d felt like with him at her side.
Keith had always supported her. Always. And he’d pushed her to be better, even when that push meant finishing a hike in the pouring rain.
How could she be so brave without him with her?
Keith’s smile, even just in a photo, still showed her the way sometimes. And now, the idea suddenly hit her.
She rolled back to her night table and grabbed her phone.
“June?” Eleanor’s voice was groggy. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh my gosh,” June said, realization suddenly hitting her. “Oh, Eleanor, I’m the worst! Yes, everything is fine. I just somehow forgot how late it is. Did I wake you up?”
Eleanor’s pause was telling. “Um, well, yeah, you kind of did, but it’s okay. What’s up?”
June ground the heel of her palm against her forehead.
“Oh man, I’m so sorry. Seriously.”
Eleanor gave a sleepy little chuckle. “Seriously, it’s okay. I don’t have to get up with a kiddo in the morning. Tell me why you called.”
“I’ll be quick. I was just thinking. I want to try again at the open mic thing.”
Eleanor sounded perked up when she responded. “Ooh, yay. Yes, we should definitely do that.”
“But,” June went on, “I don’t think it should be a secret this time. I was thinking about having people there as pressure, but what if I thought about it as support? What if I didn’t assume that people were there to potentially see me fail, but to encourage me to succeed? Anyway, I think next time, I’m going to invite the whole book club. Really go all out.”
“Oh sweetie, that sounds amazing,” Eleanor said. “And, as you know, I am here to support you always, no matter how you need it. But… do you think we could maybe get some sleep first?”
June chuckled. “Yes, yes, of course. Sorry again. You’re the best, El, seriously.”
“Love you, honey,” Eleanor said, sounding as though she was already drifting back to sleep.
“You too, my dear friend,” June replied. “We’ll talk later. Goodnight.”
June hung up the phone and briefly hugged it to her chest like she was a kid with a teddy bear. She was so fortunate to have her friends. She would never stop missing Keith, her partner andher love, but there still were so many kinds of love in her life. She was so, so grateful to have them.
She put her phone back aside and tried to settle herself in for sleep. It was already so late. She already knew she would be exhausted the following morning.
But this time, when she couldn’t fall asleep, it wasn’t because that little voice inside her was criticizing her from walking away from her chance to sing. Instead, the voice was crying out with hope.
This was good. It was going to be good.
