Great, a prolonged sentence in rehab, as if the life sentence of limb loss wasn’t bad enough.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she promised. To Phoenix, it sounded like a threat.
Thatnight, Mom’s cot was put back in place, next to where he lay in bed. “I shouldn’t have left,” she muttered. She put an arm around him. It felt like a restraint. “I love you.”
He’d been her pride and now was her burden.
She prattled on. He couldn’t listen. He’d found a solution and now just needed a plan that he could execute.
CHAPTER 25
JUST ONE DRINK
Phoenix
Nadine sat on the side of Phoenix’s bed, her tresses freed from the usual elastic. A knit shirt hugged her contours. Her normally smooth face puckered between the brows, mouth drawn at the corners to ripple her chin in worry, more somber than cheery.
“Hey, there.”
He said nothing, twisting under the sheet to find a place of comfort.
“Are you having pain?” she asked.
She got up, headed for the amber bottle just out of reach of his bed. He shook his head, so she sat down again.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
His therapist, his mom and now Nadine. He had no words left.
“You know you’re important to me?”
He groaned. “Stop with the head games, the lies. I’m not going to get better. Nothing’s going to change that.”
She looked around the room, adjusting the little ruffled sleeves. “Look at all the progress you’ve made. Faster than most. Before you know it, you’ll be back home, and back at work. You’ll have accomplished all those goals we set.”
“You and your stupid goals. Just go. This is your day off. Go see your boyfriend.”
She read the hitch in his voice and slumped shoulders, spot on as usual.
“Phoenix, I promise it’s going to get better.”
She sat for a long time waiting for a response. He had none.
Thatafternoon, his brother barreled into Phoenix’s room. Caleb’s face was twisted, eyes shot through red. He ran fingers through his hair as if grappling with a hidden beast.
Mom was only willing to relinquish guard with another blocker in her place. Phoenix wasn’t even allowed to use the restroom by himself.
Silence. Just the two of them. He didn’t know how long Caleb sat there without talking. When Caleb finally spoke, his voice was low like he was trapped in an old church confessional. “You know, there was a time I thought the same thing.”
Phoenix glanced at his brother, and then away from his devastated expression.
“I was so fucked up. Everything about me hurt. Everything was too hard. And it almost seemed like death would be better than living my hell.”
“Really, when?” Phoenix struggled up onto one elbow to get a better look at his brother.
“It doesn’t matter. All I know is that I wanted to end my suffering.”
Good. One family member who would understand.
