“I was out of line. Don’t think I’m not grateful. For you being here and all.” Not being in charge made Phoenix feel vulnerable and real.
“What? What do you need?”
Phoenix shook his head, his throat tightening. “Nothing.”It’s just, it sucks to need help. He grabbed the bottled Evian off the table and tucked the rounded glass under his left elbow. He twisted with his right hand. The cap didn’t budge. Instead, the whole slippery surface rotated under his less-than-optimal grip.
“Let me help.” Caleb took the bottle and opened it. Needing help made Phoenix feel worse.
“I can’t believe it. I’m the fucked-up one. Not you, Mr. Perfect.” Caleb continued, staring at the blank painted walls. “I want to find the guy who did this and fuck him up so bad.”
Phoenix couldn’t help himself. He dwelled on the image of Caleb’s burly strength and anger pummeling the crazed guy. “You do that. ‘Cause I couldn’t do anything about him.”
“Don’t say that. It wasn’t your fault. Have you talked to the therapist about that?” His leg twitched like a nervous jackrabbit.
“Humph, if I do that, I may as well ask for a straitjacket.” He thought for a moment. “Except they wouldn’t know where to attach it.”
“Not funny,” Caleb answered, his face pinched. “You should talk with her.”
“Seriously, I don’t want them giving me happy pills on top of all the other drugs. It’s making me loopy as it is. I need to get off the pain meds.”
“If you need the meds, take them. Don’t try to be a superhero.”
“A superhero who’s able to fall down stairs with a single bound,” Phoenix said.
“Don’t fight the meds. You know, in Africa, they found that chimpanzees eat special leaves to rid themselves of parasites.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m just sayin’ even animals self-medicate to feel better. I read it in a journal.”
Phoenix gave him a patented superior brother look. “You’re really somethin’. You want something to eat?”
“No, I’m good. You want anything?” Caleb peered at the uneaten burger sitting in front of his twin.
“I’ll take some of those chimp leaves for parasites.” Phoenix looked around the nearly empty room. “Where’s Mom, anyway?”
“I ran into her in the waiting room. I said I’d take you back to your room. Let her rest.”
Phoenix slumped a little. He was exhausting their mom.
“I don’t mean it that way. You know she wants to be here.”
“That’s the part I hate,” Phoenix said. “I know you guys would do this for me. Be here. Do whatever. It’s like I’m an invalid.”
“You’re not an invalid,” Caleb said quietly. “You’re going to be fine. You just need a little recovery time. It’s been a hell of a ride.”
Phoenix sat lost in contemplation. “You know what’s the worst? No one needs me. Really. My office is running just fine without me. You guys would’ve gone on with your lives. It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d died. People’d be sad for a bit, but then they’d pick up and move on.”
“Bruh, you are not thinking straight. Listen, everyone’s just giving you space to breathe. Your office wants you to get better. They’re not going to bog you down with whatever stupid questions they’ve got. We all need you, believe me.”
Phoenix shook his head, his convictions so clear.
Caleb straightened as if with a new thought. “Hey, didn’t you text me about Orchid? There’s someone who needs you. She looks at you like you’re the moon and the stars.”
Phoenix wanted to laugh, a crazy derisive laugh. Then he wanted to scream over the injustice of their now-impossible relationship.
“She’s on a business trip.”
“Well hell, has anyone told her? Does she know what’s happened?”
