Another thought struck her. “How do I know if you rigged the race?”
“No,” he insisted. “You can think I’m a cad, but don’t doubt yourself.”
She heard the phone vibrate again. Reluctantly, she retrieved it. “Peter says congrats. It’s nice to know normal people.”
“Who’s Peter?” he asked.
“My study partner from my Chinese class. He’s also teaching me guitar.”
“How is guitar related to Mandarin?”
“It isn’t. He’s taking me out for drinks to celebrate.”
They arrived in front of her apartment building. Phoenix turned to face her. “This doesn’t have to be goodbye, you know. Screw Peter. Come out with me tonight. Please. Give me a chance to explain. I’d like to talk.”
She opened her passenger door. “You’ve fulfilled your dad’s wishes. What’s there to talk about?”
And then she was gone, as if fleeing into the night air.
She wiped her eyes as she slipped past the doorman and into her building.
Goodbye, Phoenix.
CHAPTER20
TRUST FALL
Orchid
Screw Peter. Come out with me tonight.
Orchid’s heart pounded as she hoofed across the foyer to get ready for the evening.
She’d wanted these words, right? Waited for them.
Yet her insides were calcifying with anger. She stormed through her apartment to change her outfit.
Every interaction with Phoenix replayed in her mind, and each one cast with a new shadow. How could she trust someone who lied to her? Who maintained subterfuge over so many meals, during all those days and nights traveling together, working together in offices, cafes, at conferences? Even while entertaining her in his own home?
And yet, beyond Phoenix, her scorn had found another target.
Judge John Walker. He’d dealt a blow to her self-respect, to her free will.
Orchid’s life had been lived in darkness for too long. Finally, after mountains of effort, she’d secured the basics, the fundamentals that those with privilege took for granted. She had a job, an apartment, friends. Now, she felt like a cog in some judge’s whim.
Judge John Walker. His name hadn’t registered. But, looking back, she recalled how his court made her feel. At the age of twelve, her hair plaited down her back, and wearing her aunt’s oversized cardigan to “look more somber,” she had choked out the details of the worst moments of her life. Even though the couple who had served her parents alcohol were being judged, Orchid could not stop reliving the shame of her guilt. In that massive courtroom, standing below the judge’s elevated altar, she had a sense of how insignificant her life was.
Her biggest loss was a blip in a ledger of tragedies.
A new thought struck her. Judge Walker had also turned Phoenix into his pawn. How must he be feeling? She paused fixing her makeup, her blush brush frozen midair, to consider this.
Her attempt to hold onto her anger started to wane, replaced by a new and unexpected compassion for Phoenix. As hard as it had been for her to grow up without parents, perhaps it had been just as hard to live under the watchful eye of a powerful father. So powerful he could continue to exert his influence after death.
Her head was spinning in this whirl of contradictions. She put down her makeup brush.
Beautiful, powerful, thoughtful Phoenix guarding her from the swirl of club goers. His concern over her sensitivity to images of wounded veterans. His care for her injured foot. Were his actions motivated by fealty to his father? And if she’d known the source of their meeting earlier, would pride have made her walk away from the opportunity?
She began to feel uncomfortable, embarrassed. She was the one who’d requested work on an ad campaign. Who’d asked to attend the Effies. She had accompanied Phoenix to the triathlon, even when it wasn’t clear if he wanted her there. And she was the one who chose to drive down on the Fourth of July, even when he’d resisted Caleb’s invitation.
