I thought about waking her up and letting her see me, but she looks so damn peaceful that I don’t have the heart to do it.
Whenever Ihavemanaged to see her in the last few days, she’s been withdrawn and had bags under her eyes, as though she’s not sleeping properly.
I did that.
I’m the reason she feels like shit.
And I hate myself for it.
All I’ve ever wanted was for Gracie to be happy, but looking back now, all I’ve done is upped her stress levels.
I think it’s time I came up with a new plan, but what that is, I have no idea right now.
I need to think, but I can’t fucking think clearly when I have to go so long without seeing her.
It’s becoming a vicious cycle, one I don’t know how to end.
All I know is I need to figure out a way to get closer to her while also making her feel safe, because this distance and her lack of sleep are killing me.
The more I see her not looking like her usual self, the more I’ve been punishing myself, too. If she looks tired, I’ll deliberately force myself to stay awake all night. If I see her picking at her food rather than eating it, I’ll skip a meal so that I’m feeling she same way she is.
I’m aware it’s not healthy, but the things we do for love rarely are.
I silently approach the bed, taking in the relaxed lines of her face before pushing a stray strand of hair from her face. “My sweet love,” I murmur as I pull my hand back and dig into my pocket for the bracelet I bought her. “My Gracie,” I whisper into the silent room as I carefully attach the bracelet to her wrist. “My obsession,” I say as I take a step backwards and give her one last look. “Mine.”
I force myself to keep moving, to leave her there in the quiet confines of her room and let her sleep. She needs it, and like hell if I’m going to be to the one take any more rest away from her.
I wonder what she will think of the bracelet… will she like it? Will she keep wearing it? Will she throw it away and pretend it was all a dream?
I hope not.
But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
The cottage is quiet when I let myself in and I breathe a sigh of relief when I get to my room without seeing anyone.
I let myself in and close the door behind me, pressing my back against it as I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I blow it out slowly, as if trying to expel all of the nervous energy inside of me.
My head is just so… jumbled.
I’m used to pining after Gracie. At this point it’s basically my default setting, but lately… lately, it’s felt likemore.
On top of everything that’s been going on with Gracie, I’m fighting to keep up appearances with the guys and schoolwork.
I’m taking business, just like Cole, since the two of us will take over from our fathers in their company one day. They co-own a conglomerate that basically houses every different type of business under the sun.
Cole and both our fathers are under the impression that Gracie will be taking it over with us too, but that won’t happen so long as I have anything to say about it.
Gracie’s major is business, but she minors in art because that’s what she loves.
She’s never been interested in our families’ company, but she agreed to take business and work there one day because it’s what she needed to do to keep up appearances and she thinks it will make her parents happy.
Well, fuck that.
Personally, I think her parents will be happier for her to be doing something she loved, and I don’t think they’d force her into a lifelong career that she doesn’t enjoy. I’m sure Cole will see things the same way, since he has Gracie on a pedestal I’m not sure she’ll ever come down from—she can do no wrong in his eyes. And yes, I’d love nothing more than to work alongside her one day, but not at the expense of her happiness. She needs to do something that she loves, not just conform to the image that everyone has of her.
But it’s not my place to tell her that. Not yet, anyways.
We’re the same, her and I. Both living a lie to keep up appearances and please those around us.
