He just gave me what I—and I loathe to admit this—needed without asking for anything at all in return, and I’m not sure howto feel about that. I’ll no doubt process it later but right now, I just want to wallow in my shame and let my mind spiral.
Just as I’m about to shove him away from me, he tightens his grip as though he knew it was coming. “You’re allowed to spiral. You’re allowed to be indecisive about what you want because I know how this will end. But what you’re not allowed to do is fucking block me. Don’t try it again, Gracie, because you won’t like the outcome. You can’t save yourself. Your brother and his friends can’t save you. It’s time to start accepting that, love.” As soon as the words leave his lips, the pressure against my back disappears but I stay against the wall, breathless for a few moments before pushing back and whirling around to face him.
Only when I do, he’s nowhere to be seen.
FOURTEEN
ANONYMOUS
Fucking fuck fuck fuck.
This was not the plan.
How did things go to shit so quickly?
Your complete and utter lack of self-control, that’s how.
It’s like I’ve spent so long being patient, pining for her from a distance that now I’ve had a taste of her, I can’t stay away.
Really, it’s not my fault that she’s so goddamn addictive.
I was supposed to give her space, give her time to come to terms with what was happening before approaching her again.
Not fucking approach her outside of her building and get her off while I had her shoved against the wall.
Jesus Christ.
This is just what she does to me.
She makes me lose my goddamn mind whenever I’m in close proximity to her, all common sense goes right out of the window.
Gracie’s the type of girl who needs to analyze every single thing before jumping into something. I was lucky as hell that she even entertained the thought of talking to me that night in the club, never mind everything else that followed. Honestly, I’m still in shock that things went the way they did. I probablyshould have let her down gently, got her number and built up to it, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t say no to her. I couldn’t deny myself when she’s all I’ve ever wanted.
And now I’m losing my mind over making her mine. I know it will happen eventually, but it’s so slow going that sometimes I wonder if I should just fucking kidnap her and wait for Stockholm Syndrome to kick in.
I shouldn’t have followed her tonight, I know that. But if I’m not close to her, then my mind starts overthinking and making up all these scenarios in my head that I can’t let go of until I lay my eyes on her, so I’ve given up trying to hold back, trying to stay away.
Though I wasn’t supposed to fucking approach her, talk to her, tell her things, make her come.
My control just snapped, especially after having her at the cottage this morning. She was so beautiful sitting there, clearly panicked about the text I’d sent her yet trying to convince us all that nothing was wrong. It must have been because of the text, though I do wish she’d have been able to see my little message to her on her window, but I have no doubt that it wasn’t visible in the light of day, which is a shame.
I’d been awake all night after getting home from watching through her window, obsessively checking my phone to see if she’d opened the message. I knew she’d have probably fallen asleep without checking her phone and that she wouldn’t see it until she’d woken up, but I couldn’t stop myself from endlessly staring at my screen, waiting.
The more times I read the message, the more I wondered whether texting her had been the right decision or not, but it’s not like I could take it back.
And honestly, it’s not like I regretted watching her.
I’ll always be real with her.
I’ll always tell her the truth, no matter how much it hurts.
Apart from my identity, of course.
Still, she handled this morning like a champ.
How the others bought her story, I have no fucking idea. Sometimes I think they might have an inkling about my…obsessionwith her, but then sometimes I think they’re so goddamn oblivious that they don’t see what’s clearly right in front of them, especially Cole.
It was clear she was spiraling, but she held her ground and the longer she was around us, the more she calmed until she was her usual Gracie.
