He chuckled and faced Chuck, who was watching them in amusement.
She began to rapid-fire questions at him, laughing incredulously as his barks confirmed and denied various things. “Okay, okay, slow down, you. Let me get this straight. She’s Reena, she’s okay with that name. She can understand you, but she can’t speak the way you can. She’s just a regular dog. We think. And then there’s you. Your name is Malachi? Am I right so far?” At his confirmatory bark, she smiled. “Okay, so, Malachi. Odd name for a dog,” she mused, then grinned at his growl. “Right, still your name. Gonna have to figure out what’s going on here, but for now, here we are,home sweet home.” She parked the car and came around to open the door, so Malachi and Reena could jump out and see their new living quarters.
The small brick home was quaint but well-kept. The yard was tidy; the shutters were painted and in good shape. The bushes were trimmed in a way that made him suspect Chuck had hired a landscaper to maintain them.
Malachi began sniffing the air as Reena ran in wild circles chasing her own tail in her excitement. He chuckled; he could certainly use her in his legion. She had just enough craziness and detachment from the real world to make a fantastic demon.
“Halloo, Officer Charles!” came a sharp hail as an older woman scurried across the sidewalk to speak to Chuck. Her neon yellow muumuu, absolutely slathered with pink hibiscus flowers larger than dinner plates, flapped in the slight breeze.
Sensing his partner’s displeasure at the intrusion on her property, especially noting how her glow dimmed, Malachi promptly aligned himself next to Chuck. He gave the visitor a stern, pointed glare, making clear his disgust with her choice of leisure wear. She slowed immediately, much further back than she had obviously intended. Eying him warily, she started forward again, determination in her expression. He lifted his upper lip in distaste, a bit of fang showing. She came to a sudden halt, windmilling her arms with the effort.
“Hello, Muriel,” Chuck called politely, nodding at her neighbor. Her lips twitched while she attempted to keep a straight face as the older woman was clearly maintaining her distance from Malachi. “I’d like you to meet my new housemate, Reena.” She gestured to the spinning dervish of insanity. “And my new K-9 partner, Malachi.” Here she laid her hand on his head, rubbing gently between his silky ears.
He nearly moaned with pleasure at the touch, wondering if all human hands were this soft or if it was because she was part angel. He’d decided on the drive here that she truly wasn’t aware of her angel heritage and wasn’t a full celestial being, thus the muted glow and lack of wings. He focused back in on Muriel, who was eyeing him now in contempt, a sneer distorting her chin, which was sorely in need of plucking.
“Malachi?” Muriel drawled his name out like a dirty word. “What kind of name is that for a dog? He better not bark all night or mess in my flowers,” she grumped, as if being a dog was a derogatory thing, unworthy of her attention.
Growling, Malachi pressed himself closer to Chuck. He did not like Muriel and was going to make sure she knew it. Reena hurried to Chuck’s other side, releasing a yipping snarl that was too cute to be threatening but still sounded unhinged. He was proud of her efforts.
Chuck laughed as Muriel took a quick step back. “Well, Malachi is a special breed, and he’s very sensitive. He can sense fear and dishonesty. He’s highly trained to detect liars, nuisance spreaders, and con artists. He’ll alert, then growl.”
Almost overcome with laughter in his head at Chuck’s machinations, Malachi took her cue and stepped forward. He unleashed an unearthly, desolate howl, a call for a legion of the damned to step forth. Then he slowly lowered his head and glared at Muriel before letting another low warning growl enter his throat. He struggled to keep a straight face as Reena began to howl in solidarity. Her offering sounded more like the summoning of evil clowns from an asylum, but it still worked. He almost bit his tongue as Muriel grabbed at her throat and stumbled back. If she’d had pearls, they would have been firmly clutched.
“Didn’t you need something, Muriel?” Chuck inquired innocently.
“No, no,” the unpleasant woman answered quickly, almost stumbling over her own feet to get back to her yard. “Just wanting to say hello. Have to run. Oven’s on. Tea’s boiling. I’m sure my iron is still plugged in!” She called this frantically over her shoulder as she ran back inside her home like Satan himself was on her tail, still eyeing the black dog who hadn’t stopped glaring at her.
A rub between his ears again as Chuck laughed quietly. “Good job, Malachi. I can tell we’re going to be a great team. Now let’s get inside and get you set up. You too, Reena, although that howl of yours needs some work.”
Reena snorted, then sneezed so hard her curly tail straightened for a moment. She made a wheezing sound and smiled vapidly as she blinked at them both.
Malachi stared at the furry little psycho with pride. Chuck stared at her in considered apprehension.
Chuck led them inside and showed them where their food and water dishes would be, a doggie door so they could go out to ‘potty’, and finally where their dog bed was. “Sorry, Malachi, you’ll have to share with Reena until I can get another one. I wasn’t expecting to have two of you.” She shook her head, laughing, the subtle glow flickering like dappled sunlight around her.
Malachi simply rolled his eyes, trotted to the bedroom, and jumped on her bed. There, he flopped down and stared at her bemused expression as she watched him with hands on her hips.I’m not sleeping in a fucking dog bed, princess. I’m a Lieutenant of the Legion of Demons, Sixth Ward. I will sleep in the bed. You’re lucky I’m in dog form, or we’d do more than sleep in here.He eyed her up and down, appreciating her figure more than on his initial inspection. Officer Angel was actually pretty hot now that he wasn’t worried about being smote.
She, in turn, was staring in exasperation, her eyes narrowed as she pointed at him. “Malachi, I don’t know who you think you are, but you arenotsleeping in my bed. Not happening, mister.” Dark flickers of irritation burst across her glow.
He arched an eyebrow at her and laughed, then settled down onto the soft comforter, sighing happily at the feeling of the squishy fabric under his paws. He might be in dog form, but that didn’t mean he had to give up his creature comforts. Maybe if he explained to her that he didn’t need to eat, so she’d save on dog food? Hecouldeat, he just didn’t need to, and there was no way he was going to debase himself on that dry, noxious pellet crap that most people gave their dogs. Bacon, though, that was another story.
Sighing, Chuck shook her head. “Okay, we’ll have this debate later. For now, though, I need to take you to the station to register you as my K-9. What do you say, buddy? Ready to meet the rest of the squad?” At his affirmative woof, she smiled and turned to the Chuglet. “Reena, sorry darling, you’ll have to stay here. I can’t have two partners, and I don’t think you meet the requirements for K-9 duty anyway. Will you be okay alone for a while?”
The fun-sized monster spun in circles and yipped. She wagged her tail at Malachi until he heaved a sigh and followed her. Curious, Chuck followed them as well. In the living room, Reena yapped at the television until Malachi sniffed out the remote and brought it to Chuck.
“Are… are you saying Reena wants me to turn the TV on for her?” she asked incredulously.
Reena burst into a chorus of excited yips and yowls, spinning around again but this time in the opposite direction. Malachi glanced at Chuck, who huffed out a short laugh and flipped it on. She started to set the remote down, but Malachi grunted softly. He looked to Reena and sighed; he had afeeling she was a reality TV slut. He nudged the remote and gazed at Chuck with his best rendition of puppy dog eyes.
She began flipping channels until she came to an episode ofReal Housewives,and he woofed. He glanced at Reena, who was now entranced by the absolute brain-deadening trash on the screen in front of her. He snorted and nodded at Chuck. His suspicions were correct.
For her part, Chuck was staring in open-mouthed disbelief. “Okay,” she murmured. “So, one of you is literate, and the other binge-watches daytime TV. I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into here, but I’m pretty sure I can’t share this with anyone because they won’t believe me for a second.”
Retrieving a Douche
The police station was a hive of activity and noise as Malachi had expected. But the actual setting was boring compared to what the television shows he watched depicted. The walls were greige, and the floor was worn yellow linoleum. The lingering odor of old burnt coffee created a heavy miasma in the air, which at least lived up to expectations. He didn’t hear a single typewriter, which wasn’t too surprising, but he did hear a lot of computer keyboard clicking and complaints about the wi-fi signal. His attention was captured by a woman sitting on a bench, her thigh-high fishnets ripped, mascara flaking, and the hem of her short skirt showing exactly what she was advertising. Tongue lolling out, he eagerly made his way towards her.
“Malachi,” Chuck warned quietly and tugged his leash, pulling him back to her side.
