“I don’t have that kind of forgiveness. Right now, I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for what’s already been said, but if you keep talking, there’s no friendship, no relationship, nothing,” she chokes out with tears in her eyes.
I turn without a word and storm into the bathroom for a shower. I try my best to wash away the regret and the stupid shit I’ve said.
My mind races with so many things at once. Why can’t I ever get it right when it comes to her? I love her more than anything, but I keep fucking this up.
Dad, how do I make this right? I’m so lost without you.
CHAPTER 28
New Beginnings
Zahirah
“Ugh,a part of me is super happy my brother fucked up again and got you on that plane with me. Then there’s the part of me that hates seeing you like this and who’s tired of looking at his sorry, sad face on FaceTime,” Erica whines as she comes and pushes my legs out of the way so she can sit on the window seat beside me.
I’ve been sitting here contemplating my life. For a month and a half, Bentley continued to send sorries and apologetic gifts. Then he started to make trips home, trying to see me. Those visits made the decision for me.
I stopped putting Erica off and took her up on her offer to come to Spain with her. I had wanted to take a break from traveling and work on some things. I sort of feel bad; she believes I’m avoiding her brother.
In truth, I don’t know how to tell my mother I’m having a baby by my neighbor, whom I refuse to speak to. I spend threemonths of every year with my mother. That was her only ask when I was nineteen.
I love those three months a year. Eventually, I built my bond with the Coswell family back up. Now, everything back home is up in the air for me.
“You haven’t told him I’m here with you, have you?”
“No, I always keep my promises.”
With her words, the seed of guilt only digs deeper. I’ll have to come clean soon. She’s already been concerned about me not feeling well all the time.
“He did mention the PI again.”
I groan. “Oh no, why?”
“Don’t worry. He said he’s going to call him off. Something about knowing he messed up and needing to come to grips with it,” she says with a somber look on her face.
“Good for him,” I say and fold my arms over my breasts.
I whimper as I put a little too much emphasis into the gesture and rub my sore breasts the wrong way. Erica narrows her eyes at me. I look away and try to ignore her gaze.
She gasps. “Oh my God, now it all makes sense. You’re preggers.
“Bentley knocked you up that night. Way to go, bro. I’m going to be an auntie. Yay,” she squeals excitedly.
“No, no, no. No way to go. I couldn’t force myself to take that stupid Plan B. I had hoped that maybe … ugh, all we do is fight.
“It’s not like when we started. I have never loved and hated someone so much in my life. How am I supposed to raise a baby with someone who makes me so angry?”
“Well, you two should have thought about that before making a baby,” she says pointedly.
“Don’t you think I know that? My mother is going to kill me.”
“I doubt that. You’re twenty-seven. She’ll get over it. Mom is going to love this.”
“Erica, no. You can’t tell anyone who the father is. Not until I figure out how to tell him.
“We said some really fucked-up shit to each other. Bentley said most of it. I don’t know if we can come back from any of it. I swear he was on the verge of telling me he hates me.”
I pause and shake my head. “Until we learn to communicate and not through our grief, we can’t move forward. He makes me feel like you guys losing your dad was my fault or something.
