It sounds like he slides down the wall to sit outside the door. I begin to sob. His presence only reminds me that I’m not being strong for everyone who needs me.
He’s my little brother. I should be taking care of him, not the other way around. Just like I should have taken care of Zah before I lost her.
I’m failing and not just at keeping my girl. I don’t know if I can handle this spotlight while I’m trying to breathe enough to pull it together. I lie on my side on the cold floor and curl into a ball.
“I want to go home, man,” I sob. “I need to go home, but I can’t give up. Dad wouldn’t want me to give up.”
“I know, Bent. I know. That’s why I’m here. We all see you hurting. The world doesn’t know you like we do.
“They’re not giving you the space you need to get right, but you have us. We’re going to cover you as much as we can, bro.”
“I want Zariah back. I want her here with me. I need to fix this.”
“Okay, so we fix you first. That’s not going to work until you deal and can see her needs too. I heard what happened.
“She’s not wrong. I know you and I’m sure I can tell you how you fucked things up. I promise, you pull it together, I’ll help you get her back,” he replies.
“He was my best friend, my dad. This shit fucking hurts. I’m trying to see past that, man. I’m trying real hard, but all I can see right now is how I’m fucking everything up. I just don’t know how to stop.”
“You breathe, big bro. You breathe. You’re not alone. You can do this, breathe.”
I cling to his words. He isn’t wrong. I’m not going to keep shitting on Zah’s feelings just for my own comfort.
I’m bleeding out, and when she’s around, I seem to keep bleeding all over her. I need her, but I love her more than myself. I want to be whole for her so I can be there when she needs me. This reminds me of what my father once said.
There will be a time when you’ll know she has to come first. That one time when you’re asking too much of her love and you have to be the one to make a sacrifice ... You’ll know what needs to be done when that day comes.
This is it. It’s that moment. It’s time for me to make a sacrifice.
So I breathe just like Garret is telling me to. I breathe and promise myself that I’m not going to go after Zah until I’m ready to be the man she deserves.
CHAPTER 27
Reunion
Zahirah
Eight years and four months later …
“You look hot as fuck.My brother is going to lose his shit.”
“Are you sure this isn’t doing too much? I mean, I don’t want to send any mixed signals.”
I wasn’t going to come out for this game at all. However, Bentley called and asked me to come. I was surprised to hear from him. We haven’t spoken in almost eight and a half years.
I’ll admit, hearing his voice rumble through the line did something to me. I’ve missed him so much. It has taken everything in me to keep my distance.
However, mid-season of his second season, he started to look more like himself. Healthier mentally and physically. I hadn’t wanted to get in the way of that progress, so I was extremely happy when he reached out first.
Now here we are in Vegas for one of his away games. I’m so nervous and don’t know what to expect. Because he has a bye week next weekend, he doesn’t plan to return with the team after.
We’re spending the weekend here. Bentley, his older siblings, his best friend, Baker, and me. I nervously fidget with the hem of my dress, then reach for the teddy bear charm on my necklace and bring it to my lips.
“No, you’re not doing too much. I think it’s just enough to remind him what he’s missing and keep him on his toes.”
“But I’m not trying to do any of that.”
“Why not? The man is still crazy about you and you’re both miserable without each other.”
