“Great. So, uh, I’ll see you later? And you can tell me what you think?” I rise on unsteady legs. I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. I want her to stay. I want her to want to stay. But I also know that Minerva has been through hell, and if she wants a chance to live on her own for the first time, I’m not going to stand in the way of that.
Even if I’ll miss her when she’s gone. Even if the idea of living in the condo without her sounds fucking miserable.
I make it all the way back to the car before I realize that I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t actually have errands to do; I just needed to get out of the house before I did something stupid and pathetic, like beg Minerva to stay and see where things go with us.
Not that I want access to her body 24/7. I’m on the road a lot. And dating is hard for an NHL player. But when she’s here with me, we can get to know each other better instead of one step forward and three steps back.
It’s a puzzle I can’t solve. I know about Luca. Maybe not everything, but enough. She doesn’t need another guy pressuring her to give up her autonomy.
After fidgeting around for a few minutes, I fish my phone out of my pocket and fire off a text to Camden.
Me:Need a beer and a brain. You around?
The dancing dots of a reply pop up literally seconds later.
Cam:I’m always around for beer and bad ideas, buddy. Come to my place. I have shandies.
* * *
“So.” Camden settles back in the deck chair and adjusts his sunglasses. “I hear your last brain cell left the building. Let me see how I can help.”
I snort and take a deep swig of my beer. Camden and Dot are living with Dot’s father, Ranger, who also happens to be one of our coaches. Cam’s got a condo in the same neighborhood as mine, but it doesn’t get a lot of action. After the car crash last year, Ranger’s still in physical therapy, and his range of motion still needs improvement. He and Dot spend so much time over here that they eventually decided that they should officially move in, at least until Ranger asks them to leave. I don’t think it’s gonna happen, but Cam hasn’t let go of the condo yet.
I miss having Camden in the neighborhood, but the pool at the house is a nice perk. I stare at the water as I sort through my feelings.
“Earth to Tristan? Hello? Did you bluescreen?”
I run my hand through my hair. “A little. I think I’m in love with a girl who has no idea how to be loved.”
Hearing it out loud knocks something loose inside me. Makes it real in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
“Oh.” Camden sits up again and shoves his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “Damn. We’re talking philosophy, huh? Gimme the deets.”
“Minerva has been through some shit. Her family is, like, really fucked up.” I grasp for words that won’t betray the confidences Min’s shared with me. “The first night she spent at my place, she had a panic attack because she wasn’t sure what towels she was allowed to touch. She’s anxious, and she gets petrified by the most random crap, but she tries to play it cool when I ask why. But then if I ask about the Black Death, she’ll tell me every last detail without even blinking.” Dammit, none of this is coming out right.
“So she’ll talk to you about the stuff that doesn’t matter, but she clams up when it comes to important things?”
“I think she’d take issue with your implication that the Black Death isn’t an important discussion topic, but yes, basically. She lights up when she talks about molecules, but shuts down when I compliment her.”
Cam hums thoughtfully as he sips his beer. “Have you slept with her?”
“Dude. Not the point.”
“Do you want my help or not? I’m not asking for gossip, I want to know if you’ve been to Pound Town, and if it changed anything.”
I squint at him. “Pound Town? Seriously? Are you fifteen?”
“Answer the question.”
I glare at him, but he doesn’t relent. In the end, I just say, “Yes.”
And our intimacy means something to me. More than it probably should. More than it might mean to her. That’s the part that terrifies me. What if I’m simply another data point?
My friend’s stare breaks through. “And? Did anything change?”
“I don’t know. Like I said, her anxiety started the first night, and I sure as shit didn’t lay a hand on her then. Or, you know, not sexually. She wanted reassurance when she was freakingout, but that’s different. I like to think she’s gotten more comfortable with me over time, but then today, she talked about moving out. I asked her to stay. I don’t know if she will, though.”
“Aw, buddy. Believe me when I tell you that I know what it’s like to put yourself out there and have the woman you love stomp on your heart’s nuts.”
