I don’t like how uncertain and unstable this all feels—and I really hate that it might mean I never get my shot with Vann—but Raven’s supposed to be here. We’ve just got a lot to figure out before we settle into the new shape of this pack.
36
RAVEN
Idon’t understand curling, but that hip flexibility.Whoa. The balance they need to glide across the ice like that is captivating. I know professional figure skaters who couldn’t hold that position with that much control for that long.
Watching them is doing things to me I’d rather not admit. But from the way they keep looking up in the stands right at me, I’m guessing they can feel all of it. I really need to figure out how to close the bond off.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a text from Sadie.
Sadie:
Bitch, why aren’t you answering my texts? Did you go out last night? What happened?
I turn the phone face down on my lap, unprepared to tell her how much I royally screwed up yesterday. First, theOlympics, which she knows about. Then, bonding Pack West, which she’ll never believe.
From my right, Foster says something to me in a low voice, but I shush him, glancing at Ana and Harriett, lost in their own whispered conversation on my left. Probably debating how to spin my fall. As much as I wish it wasn’t this way, people are already blaming my poor performance on my designation. The worst was the article about how omegas don’t have the constitution for the pressures of Olympic competition. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. One person’s actions should never determine something for a whole group of people. And it isn’t like alpha and beta skaters never fall or make mistakes. My body stiffens, anger making my stomach roll and pitch. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten all that sugar for breakfast.
Foster leans into me, the weight reminding me he asked a question. “What’s that?”
He drapes an arm across the back of my chair. “I just asked if you’re okay?”
Ana looks up and glares at him before going back to her conversation, but Foster is unaffected.
I scoot a little away. It would be nice to not care about Ana’s opinion, but I’m not sure how to even begin with that. She’s so dominant it’s hard to think around her. I’m sure she’s had to hone that hard edge to make it in her field. There aren’t a lot of alpha females and even fewer of them in figure skating. I thought we could bond over being similarly rare designations on the ice, but she’s only ever been focused on pushing me to be better. Which is good. That’s what a coach should do. It’s just intimidating, and I constantly feel like I’m failing her.
Foster’s thumb brushes my hair, making the strands dance across the bond mark on the back of my neck.
On the ice below, Vann lets go of a stone and sends it spinning toward the other end. Orion and Rhodes sweep the ice like they’re trying to melt it, strong arms flexing as they work.
I still can’t believe I bonded Orion. That pack down there isn’t just the American curling team—they’remypack. The pack I didn’t want.Don’twant. Ugh.
They’ve all been nothing but sweet and apologetic since this morning. They haven’t let me lift a finger to do anything. It was a little much when Vann tried to hand-feed me a post-breakfast snack on the way to the arena, but it was kinda cute too. He’s so earnest.
So is Orion in his own way. He’s quieter, less dramatic with his care, but when he asked if he could give me a shoulder massage, his affection seemed so genuine through the bond, I couldn’t say no.
Tanner and Rhodes are harder to get a read on. I don’t have a bond connection with Rhodes, and he seems quieter, harder to get to know. Really, that’s exactly my kind of person. In some ways, I might understand Rhodes most of all, but I still can’t tell if he wants me here. And Tanner… well, Tanner’s just Tanner. He seems like he wants to give this a shot. I’m just not sure if I want that.
One day of pampering doesn’t mean they’ve actually changed. I need to be careful. With their looks and their scents, it would be so easy to get swept away and end up fooled. But they can’t fake their feelings in the bond, can they? If nothing else, they’re clearly attracted to me. But attraction isn’t love or respect. Lust is far from the only thing needed in a healthy relationship.
I’m so lost in my thoughts I don’t realize Foster is speaking again until his fingers brush my hair. I kept it down and loose to hide the bond mark, but I still nearly jump as the strands move, worried that someone might see. I smooth a hand down the back of my head, making sure the mark is still covered.
“You don’t have to stay with them,” Foster whispers as if he knows the direction my thoughts were taking.
Down below, two stones collide with a satisfying clunk, and half of the crowd cheers, Ana and Harriett clap politely. Foster and I stay quiet.
“I thought we already discussed this.” I sigh, rubbing my hands on my thighs. There’s an itchy feeling to my skin. Even though I’m not that far from Orion and the rest of them, it feels like it’s too far. My muscles ache, craving pressure, touch, connection. “None of us can deal with bonding sickness right now. Not here. I might not like them, but I won’t be the reason their team doesn’t medal.”
This is the first game of the semi-finals. I’m not going to purposefully let one of their teammates suffer when I can keep him from getting sick just by sticking around. If they lose, it’ll be for their own mistakes, not mine.
“I mean… after the Olympics.” Foster’s hand cups the back of my neck over my hair. The pressure right against the fresh bond has me shivering, new sensations jumping to the surface.
“Maybe.” The word breaks past my lips, a little strangled. Walking away from a bond isn’t something I take lightly—even a bond as messed up as this one. There’s no reversing this. No way out. Whether we’re together or not, I’ll always feel them. And they’ll always feel me. They’d also feel anyone I bonded with. What happenedlast night effectively ruined my chances of finding another pack someday. Not that I’m even sure I want one after experiencing what a scent match feels like.
Foster’s hand flexes on the back of my neck, sending another thrill of heat through me before he lets go, leaving me with a sinking empty feeling. I don’t know what’s going on with Foster and me, but it’s very possible last night ruined what chance I had with him, too. He’s probably just being so sweet with me because he can tell how fragile I am right now.
My phone rings, and I silence it. Then shoot off a quick text telling Sadie I’ll call her back later. Maybe. I’m gonna have to get my head on straight first, because there’s no way she’s not going to ask me questions I’m currently not ready to answer.
