Struggling to get to my feet, pain shoots through my ankle, and it buckles under me. I try again, this time more carefully, and manage to stand, but when I try to skate, to pick up my routine and finish, a burning sensation stops me in my tracks. Medical professionals are already running out onto the ice, but I can’t let it end like this. I force myself to move, tears streaming down my face.
Iwillfinish. Even if I’m not leaving here with a medal, I’ll leave with my dignity. The music swells toward the end of the song. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and skate. Normally, I’d do a toe loop here, but I adjust, opting for a simple spin instead. The rink twists and twirls around me, the pain adding to the dizziness I don’t usually feel.
The cheers of the crowd swell, encouraging me on. I use a move I hadn’t planned, sliding on my knees to avoidputting weight on my ankle. When I’m roughly in the center of the ice, I stop with a spin, and contort my body into a backbend before striking my final pose.
There’s a beat of silence before the crowd cheers. One beat when the failure crushes me, all my dreams of Olympic glory ground to dust.
With wet cheeks, I force a smile and wave. Then I’m ushered off the ice by medical professionals, one on each side to keep my weight off my right ankle. I’m sure it’s only a minor sprain, but it hurts like hell.
Still, knowing I just blew my shot is worse. I disappointed everyone. My family. My team. My friends. And all those omegas out there, hoping to be where I am someday.
Unfortunately, the self-loathing that creeps into my soul like icy tendrils isn’t a new feeling. It’s the story I’ve heard from everyone around me for most of my life. I’m not good enough.
22
VANN
Our girl lost. Not only that, but she got hurt. And I’m not there to comfort her. We all watched her Free Skate as soon as our game was over, hunched over Tanner’s computer at a coffee shop just outside the village. Tanner’s on his third cup since we got here.
When Raven fell, I wanted to ditch this place, rent a car, and speed to her side. Tanner was only able to contain me by reminding me she’s supposed to be coming here. Some news article said she was coming to Cortina to see the arena where her great grandmother competed, wherewe’recompeting. Is she gonna come to our game or one of the other ones? Does she know that we’re here? Does she care?
Man, I can’t wait to see her again.
Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
I lean back, the front legs of my chair lifting off the ground as I mentally practice what I’m gonna say to Raven. It’s gonna be hard to win her over, but not impossible. I’m sure my gifts helped.
“You’re gonna break the fucking chair,” Tanner pushes me forward so all four legs slam down.
“Play it again,” Orion says, still staring at the computer screen. We all watch in rapt silence as Raven once again flies across the ice. She’s so damn pretty.
I knock my knuckles repeatedly on the table. Tanner covers my hand with his, stopping the nervous action.
“Fuck, I can’t take it anymore.” I stand up just as Raven takes the jump that will lead to her fall. “How bad was she hurt?” I ask for the tenth time, pushing in my chair and leaning over it. I need something to do with my hands. I need to move. I need to be with her.
Behind the counter an espresso machine steams, and someone calls out a greeting in Italian. On the screen, Raven crashes to the ice. We all wince at the same time. Tanner lets out a low growl that draws the attention of the people at the table next to us. They’re American tourists, speaking in loud English, and wearing matching shirts that say‘Shred the Pow.’Snowboarding enthusiasts, I take it.
I give them a two finger salute. “All good here.”
My stomach twists at the lie. We won’t be good until we see Raven and make sure she’s okay. Did they take her to the hospital? We would have heard if it was that extreme, right?
Rhodes clicks around on the computer, skimming through articles with a speed I’d never match. “They're still saying it’s just a minor injury.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I slam my chair into the table, even though it’s already pushed in. I need to get out of here. The cafe suddenly feels too small, too crowded, too loud, like the walls are closing in on me.
“It means she’s okay.” Orion stands and pats my shoulder,but there’s a tightness in his eyes that tells me he’s just as worried as I am. “Maybe we should go for a walk.”
“I can’t believe she kept skating,” Rhodes muses, still staring at the screen as Raven’s song finishes. “That was really something.”
I like hearing the admiration in his voice. I want him to be as fascinated with her as I am.
“You really think she’s okay?” I ask no one in particular, shoulders deflating.
We all know she’s not. Even if she’s not injured, a fall like that would be humiliating for any athlete, especially on a public stage. To have it happen when you’re trying to prove yourself as the first omega figure skater at the Olympics would be even worse. She’s got to be an emotional wreck.
I grab my empty coffee cup and pop the lid, tilting it back to down the last dredges, even though there’s really nothing there. Finished, I toss it in the trash a few feet away, basketball style.
Tanner glares at me. “You really should go burn off some of this energy.”
