“Like if you need physical affection, and she’s cleaning the house, and getting the groceries, and doing all those tasks which need to be done—they’re not bad. It’s sometimes how a woman shows she loves a man. She takes care of him. She makes sure his clothes are clean, and his boots are by the door where he can find them, and she knows where his wallet and keys always are, and that the kids are ready for church. But if you need her to snuggle with you and tell you in words and actions that she loves you,and Lark can’t do that….” He let the words hang there. “I wish I could give you a blueprint, son, but I can’t.”
Cash nodded, his throat tight, as his father went on. “I generally recommend more time with a person, but Mav and Dani dated for a summer, and they’ve been blissfully happy ever since. Cole and Rachel sure seem to like each other, and they know a lot about one another, because they spend all day together, working and talking. Their work becomes their downtime, and their downtime blends into work.”
“Yeah,” Cash finally clipped out.
“You and Lark are a relationship of your own,” Daddy said. “It’s not traditional. You’re not working a day job and picking her up on the weekends for dinner and a movie. You spent nine days together practically non-stop. And I think you have to trust yourself that you know her, or that you need more time togetto know her.”
“Okay,” Cash said. “She’s gonna be here tomorrow.”
“Yes, I know that,” Daddy said coolly. “I’ve been praying for both of you this week.” He paused and took a long breath. “I really don’t want you to make the same mistake I did with your mother.”
Cash had heard the story many times. His momma and daddy had only been together for about three months, and she had been pregnant with him when they got married. To listen to his father tell it, Daddy had known that the relationship wouldn’t last, even as he stood at the altar and said his vows. He claimed it to be the deepest regret of his life, and he’d been talking about it with Cash for years now.
“I didn’t go see her,” Cash said, deciding to get everything out. “I thought about texting her or calling her, because Vegas is only a couple of hours from Utah, but, well, to be honest, I didn’t want to. And God didn’t tell me that I had to, so…I didn’t.”
“Well, she probably won’t even know,” Daddy said. “It’s not like she follows the rodeo.”
“Yeah, I know,” Cash said. “I guess I just wanted you to know.”
“I appreciate you telling me,” Daddy said. “And I hope you know that I’ll support whatever decisions you make. You’re my son, and you’re a fine young man, and I trust you.”
Cash’s throat worked against the lump forming there. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“I know that both your mother and I have let you down in your life. And I can’t change that. I can’t change those twelve years, Cash. I really can’t.”
“It’s okay, Daddy,” Cash said.
“All I can do is try to be the father you need and deservenow,” he said. “And I’m one hundred percent committed to that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Cash said.
His father exhaled. “All right, what are you doing this afternoon?”
“I’m going out to Bryce’s,” Cash said. “I’m gonna ride Magistrate and send Lark some pictures.”
“Would you mind if I came with?” Daddy asked. “You can say no.”
Cash thought about it for a moment, and it only took one for him to say, “Yeah, of course you can come, Daddy. Call Bryce and ask him to get a horse out for you.”
“You going straight there?”
“No, I was gonna go home first, drop off all my stuff, and make a grocery list.”
“Faith made Christmas crack,” Daddy said with a chuckle. “I guess we’re gonna eat it for the next two weeks, and I’m not complaining about it one bit.”
Cash laughed too. “Bring me some to the house and pick me up. We’ll go out to Bryce’s together.”
“You got a deal,” Daddy said. “It was good to hear from you.”
“Love you, Daddy,” Cash said.
“I love you too, son.”
He let his father end the call, and Cash drove in silence for several miles, trying to absorb everything he felt and thought and try to form it into one cohesive whole.
Maybe he needed more time with Lark. Maybe the moment he saw her tomorrow, everything would solidify and come together. Or maybe, he just needed to spend the afternoon in the saddle with his father, and his future would become crystal clear in his mind.
CHAPTER
