His words confirmed my assumption, but I was still somehow caught off guard. I’d never been the type of person to casually sleep around. I had only ever been with men that I was in a relationship with. So far, playing it safe hadn’t gotten me a happy ending. Even while I was insecure and not liking the way I looked, I knew seeking men out for validation was nasty work. Replacing Jeremiah with sneaky links and men just as bad or worse than him wasn’t the way to heal. But dammit I needed an orgasm, and I preferred one that wasn’t self-induced.
“I wouldn’t think you were preying on me. Just honest. I can’t act like there’s not an attraction here. And we’re both adults.” The way my heart began to race was insane. I was feeding into something that I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for.
“You have to promise not to use me as a rebound.”
The fact that he appeared serious as a heart attack made me laugh. “Rebound? No. I’m not thinking about a relationship. I know I can’t get over my ex by having sex with, going out with, or conversing with another man. I have to sit in my heartbreak and move on from it. Attempting to become serious with someone while I’m hurting over the next man is nasty work. I wouldn’t even know if I was dealing with them for the right reasons. But just getting dick once maybe twice…” my voice trailed off.
“You tough, Mama.” Blaze chuckled. “That’s what it is then. I can bless you once or twice.” There was an amused spark in his eyes.
I almost asked when, but I didn’t want to seem desperate.
After a brief silence, Blaze checked his watch. “I have to handle some business, but I can come to your crib in an hour and a half if that’s cool.”
“Yes, it is. I’ll text you, my address.”
“Bet.”
We both stood, and Blaze grabbed my empty cup to toss in the trashcan. As we walked to the door, each step I took coincided with the racing of my heart. I was acting like a person that never had sex before. One reason was because no matter how many times Blaze told me I looked good, him seeing me naked was still terrifying. Blaze walked me to my car and when I was safely inside, he closed the door for me.
“You need me to bring anything?”
“No. Not that I can think of.” Inwardly, I prayed that I wasn’t coming across as nervous.
“Aight. Drive safe. See you in a bit.”
I nodded and as he walked off, I swallowed down a lump.
“Oh bitch, what have you gotten yourself into?”
All of the different emotions I was experiencing had me completely overwhelmed. I was nervous and a little sad. Sad because I was only having sex with Blaze because I was single.I’d never cheat. But I was single because I got cheated on. I was single because I heard the man, I’d been with for two years talking about me in a tone laced with disgust. That shit hurt. And a random man sticking his dick in me wouldn’t take that hurt away. At the end of the day, most of these men only wanted one thing. Sex.
And they didn’t want sex with just one person. They wanted to lay pipe in any woman with a decent face and nice body. On the drive home, I almost gave myself a heart attack with all the overthinking and sappy shit. At home, I exfoliated in the shower and rubbed body butter into my skin. Putting on lingerie might have been a tad too much, so I dressed in simple blue striped pajama shorts and a blue camisole. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror as I sprayed lightly scented perfume that wouldn’t bother my allergies. I brushed my teeth, put on some lip gloss, and sat on the couch to try and watch TV.
My phone buzzed, and I damn near jumped out of my skin. Heart racing, I looked at the screen and frowned in disgust when I saw Jeremiah’s name. As soon as he got his belongings from my house, I was blocking him. I was tired of the text messages and phone calls. If he thought he was going to wear me down and I would talk to him, he was in for a huge disappointment. Now, he didn’t have to sneak around. He was free to be with whoever he wanted. I gave him to the bitch, and he was still bothering my big ass. It didn’t really make sense to me.
When a text message came through, my frown deepened, but when I saw that Blaze was telling me he was on the way, my facial muscles relaxed. I forgot all about Jeremiah, and my nerves started up again. It would have been great if I could have a shot or two, but there was no need to waste money on a personal trainer if I wasn’t going to do what he said.
Melody called, and I reached for the phone to answer but quickly decided against it. Talking to her until Blaze arrivedwould distract me, but I wasn’t telling her about him until we had already done the do. Anxiousness had my mouth dry, so I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the pantry. Cold water made my stomach hurt, so I chugged the room temperature water down. Before I could walk out of the kitchen, my doorbell was ringing. My stomach did a backflip as I trekked to the door. What if that man laughed at me the way Mike laughed at Sheila inWhy Did I Get Married.
It was too late to turn back. I opened the door, and Blaze’s brows hiked in surprise while his gaze poured over my frame.
“Got damn. That’s how we coming?”
When his eyes met mine, the appreciation that flashed in his irises settled my nerves. There were no looks of disgust. Blaze was eyeing me as if he was ready to take me down right there. The saying was most definitely true. What one man didn’t appreciate another man would. I backed up slightly allowing Blaze to enter and closed the door behind him. My eyes almost jumped out of my head when Blaze picked me up swiftly and effortlessly. The man handled me like I weighed nothing.
“Bedroom?”
“At the end of the hall on the left,” my heart raced.
Blaze carried me to my room with my legs locked around his waist like he was carrying a bag of groceries. He didn’t break a sweat. When Blaze put me down, he eyed me like a hungry lion salivating over his prey.
“Lay on your stomach,” he commanded while pulling a small bottle of oil from his pocket.
My bed sat high up, so lifting my leg to get on it hurt. After everything I was going through, I had better lose weight and look damn good when it was all said and done. The oil that Blaze had on his hands warmed when it touched my skin. With just the right amount of pressure, he began massaging my shoulders, and I almost moaned. He wasn’t playing around. I could alreadytell that he was going to have my muscles less stiff. My eyes closed, and I pinched my bottom lip between my teeth as Blaze went to work on my body. Once he reached my back, I couldn’t stifle the moan. I was hurting in places that I didn’t know I could hurt, and he was making me feel so much better.
After the massage, all I needed was a muscle relaxer, and I knew I’d sleep like a baby. My back arched slightly when he reached my waist. Firmly but also gently, Blazed kneaded my skin from my shoulders all the way down to my feet. He even massaged my hands. Blaze told me to turn over, and I did.
I eyed him while he removed his shirt. “You ready for your happy ending?” he simpered making me giggle.
