“I just have to pee. I’ll be back in a second.”
He holds an arm out for me. “But it’s warm under the blankets. Look at you. You’re shivering.”
I shake my head. “I’m doing my pee-pee dance, and every moment you waste attempting to lure me back to bed with your smoldering eyes and ridiculously large erection is a moment closer to me pissing in my pajamas.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” he says sleepily, closing his eyes and yawning. I give him a quick kiss and stroke his cheek.
“Well, I would.” I curl my fingers around his cloth-covered cock. “When I get back, I’m sucking your cock. Cope.”
His eyes close, and he gives me a nod. “If I fall back asleep, wake me up. Want to feel your mouth around me, Ez.
“That can absolutely be arranged.”
Another yawn, and Johnny’s breathing falls into a repetitive pattern. I probably won’t wake him up when I’m done in the bathroom, because he has to work in the morning, and he deserves his rest, but fuck, I want to. I want to climb back into bed with my sweet, stupidly adorable boyfriends and never leave again.
I step out of the bedroom and close the door behind me, careful not to let the latch click and risk ruining their sleep. Once I’m in the bathroom, I free my dick from its confines and the longest, loudest stream of piss in human history pours out like when God sent the floods. Which, like, honestly was kind of a dick move. Imagine being so furious at people you created for not worshipping you hard enough that you would send a flood to end their lives. What kind of raging maniac does that? And all the poor dogs and cats. What the hell did they do to deserve death by drowning? If I believed in him, I’d probably even tell the Almighty “Shame, shame, shame, I know your name, and your name is Cruelty,” but since I don’t, I can’t. But seriously. Dick move.
Once I’m done, I shake my dick a few times, then dab the head with a small square of toilet paper. At the sink, I wash my hands, somethingThe Core Four rarely, if ever, does. I spend a few minutes at the mirror, fixing my hair and making myself pretty. There’s a smile on my face that didn’t use to be there, and I know why it’s here now. Because this is it. This is the happily ever after I dreamed of, but never thought I’d get, empowered by their love. I’m humbled they believe I’ve somehow earned it. I haven’t, but I will. I’m going to do everything I can to show them every single day in every single way that I’m worthy, even if I don’t really believe it myself. I don’t need to believe it though, because I know Bubba and Johnny wouldn’t lie to me. If they say I’m loveable, then I must be, even if the words don’t make much sense.
I’m thirsty as fuck, and I could use a glass of water, so I quietly enter the bedroom, then head into the hall. Everyone else is asleep, so I try to be quiet on my way downstairs. The kitchen light is on, and Ladonna is at the table. Pete is sitting across from her, both of them indulging in a midnight cup of coffee. They haven’t spotted me yet, so I sidestep, wanting to remain hidden to avoid more of Pete’s unwelcome questions about sex and sexuality. Johnny explained the concept of homosexuality to them both, but I don’t think either of them have truly grasped it.
“You said you were going to talk to him,” Pete says in a hushed tone. “Momma, you promised the next time we saw him, you’d tell him we need him.”
“I know,” she says sadly. “I know I have to, but doesn’t he look happy? I don’t know if he’s ever seemed happier. I can’t ask him to give that up.”
“What about our happiness? What about us, working our fingers to the damn bone, while he gallivants around like some bigwig city slicker? The crops are dying, Momma. They’re dying, and so is our whole damn farm. If you won’t tell him it’s time he gets his sorry ass home, I will.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Ladonna scolds. “I’ll talk to him. I just want to give him a little more time. Maybe we could come back in a few months, now that we know where he lives.”
“A few months?” Pete asks, his voice rising, I’m assuming, alongside his irritation. “I’m getting four hours of goddamn sleep a night. It ain’t fair on me, and it damn sure ain’t fair on the rest of the family. You saw how smooth everything went when he came home last time. I got a full eight hours every night. I wasn’t breaking my damn back, working sixteen-hour days. You heard what the ghost lady said. It’s written in the stars.”
Ladonna chuckles. “I thought you didn’t believe in her.”
“Well, I didn’t. It’s hard to argue something you see with your own two eyes, though. She knows stuff. Stuff she ain’t got no right knowing. So, if she says he’s coming home, then he’s coming home. All the rest of this—the waiting and pretending we ain’t here to bring him back with us—is wasting precious time. Time we can’t ever get back.”
“I know. And you’re right, I just know what it’s like to give away the life you’ve planned for commitment and obligation. I promised myself I wouldn’t ask my boys to do the same. Especially Johnny.”
Pete sighs. “We all know he’s your favorite, but do you have to actually say it?”
“Excuse me?” Her voice is low. Lower than I’ve heard so far. There’s an undertone to it, though. A dark, foreboding twinge that makes my skin crawl. She sounds a lot like my stepmother did when she would scold me for behaving a bit too effeminately.
A burst of warmth spreads through my heart, and I place my hand over it, thanking Barbara for saving me from another downward spiral into past trauma.
“I’m not going to apologize for saying it. You might not agree with the sentiment, but it’s how I feel. It’s how Barrett and I both feel. There’s always been a different set of rules for him than the rest of us. Johnny gets to leave home and live in the big city. Johnny gets to make friends and fall in love, and we—”
“And you’ve got Maybelle.”
“Did I ever say I wanted Maybelle? No. I married her because it’s what Daddy asked me to do. I did it because it’s what was expected of a Boyd. We’re farmers. We plant. We lay down roots, and we do it with a smile, because that’s what we’ve been raised to do. Now we’ve got Johnny roaming around, doing fuck knows what with his life, but we’re all breaking our backs to pick up the slack. It ain’t fuckin’ fair, Momma. I’m tired. I’m tired, and I’m sick of it, but I wake up every goddamn morning, and I do what’s expected of me. We’re done doing it on our own. Either you talk to him, or I’ll drug his ass and throw him in the truck myself. I brought Drowsy Dan. Don’t think I won’t use him.”
“Peter. Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I just said that I did. I can’t unsay it.”
She sighs. “I’m telling you. It’s written in the stars. We can’t rush it. We still don’t know about the couple in Texas. As soon as we get home, Barrett has to go find them. It has to be as soon as we make it back to the farm. That’s what Barbara said. The timing has to be perfect, and we don’t know anything yet. They have to pay for us to have our way. Ezra is our key to getting Johnny home.”
I don’t know what the fuck kind of key I’m supposed to be, but they want Johnny to come home. They want my Johnny to leave our lovely little homestead and return to theirs. To be a farmer, of all things. Johnny’s not a farmer. He’s a welder. He makes things out of metal, and he seems to enjoy it. Or maybe he just enjoys theatmosphere. Either way, he takes solid steel, I’m assuming, and burns it down, just to build something better in its place. That’s what he’s done with me. It’s what they’ve both done with me. They built me better than I ever was before, all the hurt of yesterday not gone, but slightly forgotten. I don’t stay scared, the way I did before them. I don’t even have to masturbate to my BFF Austin’s OnlyFans content anymore, just so I can feel secure. Bubba and Johnny do that now. They’ve made me better. They’re loving me whole.
And now the Boyds want to take him away with their unwashed hands and ice-cold hearts, but they can’t have him. They can’t have him, because I’ve only just gotten him, and I’m feeling a lot of really big, scary feelings I never expected to feel. He feels the same. I know he does, because he told me. If they take him from me, he won’t have anyone. There aren’t any gay people in Dunsberry. There isn’t a whole lot more than immediate family, from the way he’s described it, and none of them can protect his frightened heart. Not like me. Not like Bubba.
