As he walked away, my whole body relaxed. Typical of my brother. No questions about what I needed, or trying to put me off because he was busy. It was a simple yes.
When he joined me a few minutes later I’d practically worn a furrow into the rug. There were half-moon indents on my palms, I’d been clenching so hard. An invisible band tightened around my chest as I turned to my brother. His eyes, so like my own, were soft and inquisitive, knowing and understanding.
“What’s up? How can I help?”
“I-I.” The swallow hurt my throat. Why were the words so hard to say? Why couldn’t I man up and admit what I was feeling? The turmoil between my head and my heart was overwhelming, like a white noise that wouldn’t stop. Always there. The constant static sound masking everything else.
“Let me guess.” Nash narrowed his eyes on me, hands hanging from his hips. So relaxed and confident that whatever help I needed he’d be able to give it. “Tally.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Does everyone around here know my business?”
“You told us you were having sex. You’ve been like a bear with a sore head for the last couple of days and according to Gunner she became sick this afternoon.”
Instantly the hairs on my arms stood on end and my spine stiffened. “What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”
“Depends. Did she break your heart?”
“No. Not yet anyhow. She might. That also depends.”
“On what?”
“Whether she wants more than just sex, like I do.” My palms were slick with sweat as I wiped them against my jeans but at least the words were out. I was finally floating to the top of the deep lake of denial after lying stagnant on the bottom for months. Taking a gulp of air, like I’d never inhaled freshness into my lungs before.
“Well, well, he finally admits his feelings.” The supercilious smirk on my brother’s face would have earned anyone else a punch to the nose.
“I just don’t know, Nash.”
He shook his head and chuckled. “Didn’t we talk about your running to love?”
“But this is different.” I reared back. “And who said I love her?”
Nash rolled his eyes. “Please don’t bullshit me, Wild and no, it’s not different. It’s just a case of being brave and taking what you want.” He put a supportive hand on my shoulder. “And what you deserve.”
“What if I don’t deserve it?”
My lungs burned as I held my breath, waiting for my brother to tell me that I didn’t. That I would be lucky if Tally even spoke to me again. He smiled, the soft at the edges one that he used for his kids. For Lily, when he was about to tell her how much he loved her.
“You deserve the fucking world, Wild. And if Tally doesn’t see that then she’s not the one for you. So, like I said, be brave and talk to her, otherwise you’ll never find out.”
Nodding I swallowed back the fear. “I’m going to get showered and think about what I’m going to say to her. Can you tell Lily I’ll skip dinner?”
“Sure.” He chuckled and turned to leave. “And when you do decide to get some balls, wear the green shirt Lily bought for you. It complements your skin when Glenn is around.”
“Fucking idiot.” Nash waved his hand over his shoulder, no doubt on his way to give his wife all the gossip. I quickly moved to the doorway and leaned out. “And I did not say it was love.”
And the bastard just laughed…loudly.
I took my brother’s advice and wore the green shirt. Having given myself a goodtalking to, I was ready to talk to Brownie. Life was too short to keep treading water. Acting like I didn’t want what my brothers had. Maybe it was what I’d always wanted but just hadn’t found the right person.
I’d told Nash the truth when I said I wasn’t in love with her, but I could see myself being in the future. Truth—the not too distant future.
Every single morning, I woke up with a smile on my face, provided by her. The sex was incredible, and I was more than satisfied, but I’d started to realize it was her who lit me up. Her sass, her smile, her ambition and professionalism. Her ass and tits were incredible, too, but they were just perfect extras.
She listened and understood, never judging.
“Look at you.” Gunner whistled as I walked into the lounge.
Nash had a sleeping Billy on his chest, while Bertie was tucked into his side. The TV was showing a Fast & Furious movie.
