Oops!...I Did it Again – Britney Spears
Wilder
The computer’s fan whirred softly, the scent of strong coffee lingering in the air, though mine had gone cold ages ago. Outside the office door, Lily’s off-key warbling and the vacuum’s hum created a weird kind of domestic chaos that made it harder to think, or maybe easier to avoid thinking too hard.
“Fuck,” I muttered, dropping my head to my table. “You’re a dick, Wilder.”
I knew I’d been cold with Tally for the last couple of days and it wasn’t for no reason. I knew exactly why. It was that night. The one when I got backfrom Sterling. When she gave me her attention. Her steadiness. Her peace.
It felt good. Too good.
Afterward, it all seemed too big. Like it wasn’t just her hand in mine or her showing up for me, it was about me needing that from her. She was getting too close, seeing too much. And when she inevitably realized I wasn’t worth the effort, it would destroy me. Better to step back now because I had no idea what to do with everything she made me feel.
I could barely converse with anyone, even Bertie and I adored her. She got a cursory, ‘hey’ when she yelled excitedly about riding Dreamy as we passed about a half hour ago. I’d even lied to Tally about having a meeting with Nate Jenkins the night before. Well, it was a half-lie, there was a meeting, but I called off with a ‘headache’.A fucking headachelike I hadn’t herded cattle up a mountain with a dislocated shoulder, or branded dozens of cows with a couple of busted ribs.
The vacuum continued to buzz in the distance with Lily’s off key singing mixing in with it, and I still couldn’t raise a smile. Staring at the numbers on the computer screen, the wiping of boots on the doormat made my heart sink. It was a tossup which of my interfering brothers it would be. And how soon they would come into the office to ‘talk’.
It was Gunner. Marginally better than Nash, as he was the voice of reason and had the ability to make me feel six years old again.
“This is where you’re hiding.” He gave me a crooked grin as he dropped into the visitor chair.
“Not hiding. I had work to do.” To prove a point, I started to type figures into the spreadsheet on the screen.
“I call bullshit.” He leaned forward, picked up a cattle catalog and started to flick through it. “You’ve been in a shitty mood since you went to see Michael.”
We’d decided that night he was no longer ‘Dad’ and would now be known as Michael.
“I’m just pissed that he said what he said.” It even took effort for me to shrug.
“Nope, it’s much more than that. What’s happened with that funny little friendship you’ve got going with Tally?”
The moment he said her name, something sharp twisted behind my ribs. I kept my face still, but my fingers flexed uselessly on the keyboard, pressing a line of nines like a warning siren.
“Hmm,” he mused. “Thought so.”
“What does that mean?” My knee bounced under the desk, the kind of restless energy I hadn’t burned off since I was a teenager and used to ride my horse at speeds that only the bravery of youth gave me.
“It means, I thought I was right. That you two were ‘friends’ and now you’re not.”
“Fuck’s sake, Gun. Do not do those finger speech mark things ever again.” Deleting all the nines, I sighed. “I’m sick of telling everyone that me and Tally are work colleagues and that’s all.”
He barked out a laugh. “Sure, you are.” Throwing the catalog back onto the desk, he crossed his leg, resting his ankle on the opposite knee. The epitome of cool and pure damn cockiness. “We all know something is going on between you, we were just waiting for you to admit it.”
Exhaling out the frustration, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Okay, we’re having sex.” The word just almost landed in there, but somehow it felt disrespectful to Tally, even if it was true. “Satisfied.”
Gunner remained silent. Waiting.
“No strings. Something we both agreed to.”
“And so, why were you being a dick to her earlier?”
“I wasn’t.”
Gunner’s look made it clear I wasn’t getting out of this without bleeding something out. Because, if there was anything I knew about him, it was that he was determined when he wanted something. And he wanted me to explain why I’d been such a dick to Tally. I couldn’t because I had no idea how to explain it to myself. More so, I didn’t want to admit it.
“She’s getting too attached, wanting things I’m not ready to give. It’s getting messy.” Looking back at the spreadsheet, I tried to remember what I was supposed to be doing.
“And so, your idea of dealing with that is to treat her like she’s got a deadly disease.” He leaned forward. “You haven’t given her one, have you?”
