My heart felt like it was cracking into tiny pieces for him, all splintering off from a huge crack right down the middle.
“Wilder, you need to speak to your brothers about this.”
“I know,” he whispered. “Not yet. Let me just stay here for a while. Like this.” His arms wrapped further around me as he rocked us slowly from side to side. Moving in time to the music that had changed to Lee Brice’s Rumor. We danced together, and slowly, his body started to relax.
“Being here feels like something I haven’t felt in a long time.” He paused and I waited. Wondering. “Peaceful.”
His words hit me right in the heart. With a crash. A wrecking ball that I couldn’t stop.
“You had dinner yet?” I eventually asked, my voice low, not wanting to spoil the beauty of the moment.
“Nope, came straight from the airport.”
“Want me to cook for you? I was only going to have burgers and salad, but I have plenty.”
He moaned softly, rubbing his cheek against my hair. “Sounds great. I could do with a shower, though.”
Angling back, the weariness in his eyes was clear. “Want me to shower with you. Then we can eat. I have a pair of your sweats and a t-shirt here.”
He frowned. “When did I leave those?”
“About three weeks ago. You were leaving early to drive to Utah.”
“To look at that livestock trailer we were thinking of buying. Which was a piece of crap by the way.”
“Yeah, you brought fresh clothes with you so you could get on the road straight from here. I laundered them.” He didn’t need to know I’d worn the tee to sleep in for two nights.
“You did?”
I nodded. “I did.” Taking his hands in mine, I turned for the bathroom. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
“So that you can dirty me up again afterward?”
I grinned. “Maybe. Clean, dirty then burgers. How does that sound?”
He sighed and rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. “Absolutelyfucking perfect, baby, absolutely perfect.”
My heart stalled and maybe I was thinking too much into it, but it felt right. Like peace. There was this Japanese art I'd seen once—Kintsugi—where broken pottery was mended with gold, making the cracks beautiful instead of shameful. Maybe that was us. Two people with visible damage, somehow beautifully imperfect.
Chapter 20
Brother - Kodaline
Wilder
The pull of Brownie’s bed was strong, but no matter how hard it was to leave, I had to. I needed to speak to my brothers. Spending the evening wrapped in her arms was more than appealing, because it felt safe. I felt at peace with her, and I knew that it was time for me to acknowledge the shift in the sand. It would have to wait, though, because I had to deal with the demon that had let loose in my head.
Slow, short strides carried me across the gravel of the stable yard, the cold seeping through the seams of my boots, up the steps of the porch thatcreaked like they remembered too much. My head back at the warm and cozy cabin where Tally lay, still naked, in her bed. For three months I’d been telling myself that it was just sex. Three months of lying to everyone, including myself, because somewhere between that first night and now, Tally Brown had become my religion, and I was a devoted man. I found myself checking the time on my phone, counting hours until I could see her again. My coffee tasted wrong when she wasn't there to make fun of how much sugar I used. Even my damn horse seemed to know something had changed because he kept looking toward her cabin like he knew that was where I wanted to be.
I couldn’t deny being with her for the last couple of hours had helped. Being with Brownie always helped with something, even when I didn’t immediately realize it, but I couldn’t keep running to her every time my world tilted. She deserved better than being my emotional crutch. And I deserved to know the truth, not the poison my father may or may not have fed to me. The truth.
“Nine months before you were born.”
I still felt the ghost of those words; Tally hadn’t been able to erase them totally.
It was time to trust the two people who’d never let me down, not once in twenty-five years.
Time to let my brothers help carry the weight.
