Reaching around, I ran a hand down the horse's back, feeling the gentle curve of his strong spine. The long tail swished back and forth as he enjoyed the extra attention.
“Why’s he here?” I asked, always interested in the miracles she and my brother were able to perform.
“He’s a show jumper who won’t jump.”
“He’s a nice horse.”
“He’s worth a few million dollars. Got bronze in the last Olympic games.”
I stayed silent, simply enjoying the peace that I always felt being with her. The quiet. The serenity.
“You’re brooding,” she finally said, starting to brush Maverick’s mane. “It’s loud.”
“Can’t be rainbows and sparkles all the time, Brownie.” I drew in a breath, inhaling the smell of her perfume and something else, something sweet. Something like sunshine.
That was what she was, sunshine on a cold, cloudy day.
“You’re not fooling me, Miller. What’s going on?”
“Wow, just the surname,” I scoffed. “I really am in trouble.”
I could practically hear her eyes rolling as she let out a huffed breath. “Sarcasm doesn’t cut it with me,Wilder. What’s going on?”
She dropped the brush into the caddy on the floor and slowly turned. The warmth from the work had seen her get rid of her jacket and my eyes went immediately to the curve of her breasts against her tight t-shirt. It had a V-shaped neck, low enough to see the curve of her cleavage. Her skin was naturally tanned, like she’d just spent the summer on a Californian beach. Beautiful.
“You can stop looking at my boobs now and tell me what’s wrong,” she chastised with a long sigh. Then her tone softened. “You know you can tell me anything.”
I pulled the letter out of my back pocket and handed it to her. It wasfolded; creases practically burned into the paper after reading it so many times.
“What is it?” she asked, slowly opening it, her eyes scanning the page.
“It’s from him.” I wanted to run, but my legs were shaking too much.
“Your dad.” Tally blinked, her finger gripping the letter as she continued to read.
“He wants to see me.” I laughed. “You know that obviously because it says it there.”
My fingers grabbed for the letter, but my hands were trembling too much to be able to keep hold of it. Tally dropped her hand to her side, the letter still between her fingertips.
She licked her lips as she looked at me. “You don’t have to be okay with this,” she whispered. “You just have to be honest about what you want, Wilder.”
Pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes, I groaned. “I don’t know. I have no clue what I want. I know I thought I wanted to see him, but now I don’t know.”
“What did you want from the visit?” she asked, leaning closer. “When you thought that you wanted it to happen.”
What the hell was I hoping for? Answers that would most probably be lies.
“I don’t know, Brownie. I just wonder sometimes if…fuck, I need to understand so much.”
“Like what, honey?” Her small hand cradled my face, like it was a delicate piece of China that she was afraid might crack. “What answers did you want from him?”
I covered her hand with mine, feeling myself more and more grounded with each passing second of our touch. Feeling less and less like we were just sex.
“If I was a different kid, would he have been a different father? Why did he cheat on my mom? Why did he cheat us? Betray all of us? Why didn’t he love us enough?” My breath was sharp against my lungs as I struggled to pull it in. “Why do I struggle to let people in? Because even this, Brownie, saying my fears out loud, feels like standing in the middle of a storm, naked.No shelter. No armor.Every person I’ve ever cared about has either died or decided I wasn’t worth staying for. So yeah, I keep people at arm’s length. It’s easier than watching them realize I’m not enough. That’s why I’m scared about this, us. What if I lose this? Lose us.”
She didn’t flinch. “Come here,” she whispered. “Let me in and I’ll take care of you.”
I dropped my forehead to hers, pulled in by the calm in her voice and the quiet strength in her touch. And as the silence settled, I reached for her hand and pressed it to my chest so she could feel the truth of it.
