She went there.
“He’s gay. You’re not. He was married, and that’s a problem for him,” she said, trying to give him what she could without betraying Corbin or the rules.
Her.
Job.
Sucked.
He actually laughed.
“So what? What does me being gay, straight, or bi have to matter? Sex is nothing to me. It stopped mattering a long time ago. I’d fuck a rock to feel something. Sex is just sex. I would give it all up to feel like someone had my back. All I wanted was a chance, and his past matters more. I get it.”
She sighed.
This was about as well as she expected it to go.
“You have feelings for him,” she said. “And they are far deeper than partner.”
That hung there.
In his eyes, she saw it.
Yeah, she’d been right. It wasn’t just the partner thing, but that attachment at the soul.
He knew.
Alex was in love with someone, but didn’t understand what love was. Like with Noah, he didn’t realize that attachment was more. It wasn’t just trust and partnership.
It was love.
“Have you told him how you feel? Like you didn’t tell Noah?”
That was all he had to hear. Being reminded that he’d been a coward and not able to be honest had cost him Noah, and now, it would cost him Corbin.
Suddenly, the weight was too heavy.
He gave up.
“Fine. But give me Duke. Axl likes to mind fuck me, and I already have a goddamn therapist. That’s a bad idea.”
It was clear he was going to ignore what she just said. So, instead, she went there.
“Do I need to get you a new eval?” she asked. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
He shrugged.
“My whole existence is stupid. I’m going to go back to the room, and I’m going to bed. Fuck this today. I’m going to do the best thing I can and go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. Text me the meet-up location. If I’m up early, I’ll head to the morgue.”
She stood up.
“Alex, don’t make me have to wrangle you. I’m up to my scalp in issues. Just go to sleep and call it a night. I’ll talk to Corbin in the morning.”
He heard nothing she said.
Why?
The demons were screaming in his head.
