He's not wrong, though, not entirely.
I haven't ever seen a real cowboy in action.Everything I know about them, I learned from books.That's what I'm good at.Books.Reading.Researching.Men like Cord Decker…well, I wouldn't know the first thing about them.It's safer that way.
And yet…and yet a big part of me wants to learn about this man.Not because he's a hot, sexy giant.But because I think I like his emails a little bit too much.At least I did before I saw him.Now though?
"No way, Cassia Murphy," I whisper to myself."No way, no way, no way."
ChapterOne
CASSIA
Six Weeks Later
"We're going to die," I announce, hanging onto the oh-shit handle in Clover Thompson's rental like my life depends on it.I think it might.She's careening around curves as if there aren't patches of ice on the road and no barriers standing between us and certain death.
I have no idea why I suggested Lake Tahoe for our annual writers' retreat.Actually, I do know why.Because Cord Decker—hot, bossy cowboy extraordinaire—has turned me into a madwoman since he started emailing me six weeks ago to complain about my books.
It should not be legal to be that fine and that damn grouchy at the same time.He's a beast of a man gatekeeping cowboys like he owns the trademark.His emails drive me nuts.
And yet I still suggested Lake Tahoe for the retreat.
Why?
Because I'm a crazy person, that's why.
Ever since learning that he's a genuine cowboy, I've been borderline obsessed with seeing him in action.Nothing about him makes sense to me.He hates my books but continues to read them.He's bossy and a little rude, yet he keeps flirting with me too.He looks mean enough to go toe-to-toe with the devil yet doesn't even bat a lash when I tease him about things like knitting for kittens.
I'll never tell him, but he's the unwitting inspiration behind my next hero.Ineedto see him in action just once so I can get back to work.It's a necessity at this point.I may go to jail for what I'm about to do.But it's a sacrifice I'm prepared to make in the name of science.Or research.Or unrelenting curiosity.They're basically the same thing, right?Right.
But I would have rethought coming had I known the drive here involved being suspended miles above the earth on narrow, rickety lanes with no barriers to keep us on the road and out of the thick tangle of trees that drop hundreds of feet to the bottom of the mountain.Actual landslides seem safer than this mountain with Clover behind the wheel.
"We are not going to die," she says with a laugh that fills the car.Her shoulders shake, her round face lit up with amusement."We'll be at the resort before you know it.Just close your eyes and meditate or something."
I shoot her a quelling look."Do I look like I know how to meditate?"
"Good point."She takes her green eyes off the road to smile at me.
"Eyes on the road, crazy lady!"I cry, covering my glasses with my hands."I can't die yet.I haven't even had sex."
Clover cracks up."Wait.Seriously?You're a virgin too?"
"Too?"I peel my hands away from my eyes to gawk at my stylish friend."Hold the phone.You're a virgin?Holy crap."Clover is curvy like me, but she's freaking gorgeous.She's also sassy and playful.She can be a big flirt, and she's not afraid of anyone or anything.
Me on the other hand…well, let's just say I put the mess in hot mess.What I know about life, I learned from books.My mom always had big dreams of me being a pageant girl like her.She even named me Cassiopeia as if giving me the vain queen of legend's name would somehow instill me with her beauty and grace.It didn't.All I got was her big mouth.
I'm cute, sure.But I'm not pageant girl material.I'm curvy and awkward.Public speaking gives me hives, and I'd probably die if I tried to don a pair of heels.The simple truth is, I much prefer the worlds inside my head to the one spinning on outside of it.
At least in there, I understand the rules and control the outcomes.I get to decide what happens and when.And no one expects me to be anything other than I am.I'm not too much or too little of anything.
My friends say I'm dramatic which is probably true, but I prefer animated.It sounds less like a character defect and more like a quirk.I have a lot of those.I'm loud and messy andanimated.My mouth moves before I can stop it sometimes, and the most inappropriate, nerdy things come out of it.But the thing is…I don't care.I happen to like me the way I am.
I have a big heart and I mean well.Maybe I'm not model-thin like my mom.Maybe I haven't slept my way through half the state of Washington.Maybe I don't want to parade around in front of crowds or be known for my looks, but I'm healthy.I'm happy.I have the coolest job on the planet and the most amazing friends.It's enough for me.
It willneverbe enough for my mom.It doesn't matter how successful I am or how happy I am, in her eyes, the fact that I don't date means I'm defective.The fact that I'm curvy and awkward makes me an embarrassment.She wanted a clone.She got a daughter with a brain and her own dreams instead.I gave up trying to convince her of my worth a long time ago.Now, I just try to avoid being in the same room with her as often as possible.
"Yep," Clover says."It's not that I haven't wanted to.I mean, I've been close a few times, but I always chicken out.People think I'm so confident but it's all a show.As soon as I get to that place where I have to be vulnerable with someone, I run."
"Same."I tip my head back to rest it against the seat.My mom has been married more times than I can count.I think it made me and my half-brother both gun-shy.Neither of us are in a hurry to follow in her footsteps.When I fall in love, I want it to be forever.I'll wait however long I have to wait to find that.At least that's what I tell myself.But the truth is…I'm so afraid I'll end up like my mom—falling in love with every man who comes along, no matter how horrible they are—that I run from any man who even looks in my direction.
