A nap sounds nice. Now that the sun has gone down, the neighborhood is quiet for the evening, and I’ve never been more thankful. Just as my eyes flutter closed, the front door rattles with a sharp knock.
My eyes spring open, and I roll them, letting out a long-winded huff. “For fuck sake.” I toss my blanket off me, stomp to the front door, and whip it open. “What?”
A man, hotter than fuck, tightens his grip around a baby in his arms. His jeans sit right at his thin waist and stretch over the bulk in between his legs. My eyes drift from his cock back to hisface, and I soak in this God-like man’s tan skin and smooth lips. His brown hair, just as soft as silk, begs for me to run my fingers through it.
“I’m so sorry to disturb you,” he says, hoisting the baby higher on his chest, the sleeve of his shirt tightening around his defined biceps.
I open my mouth, but words don’t come out. He’s fucking gorgeous—from his sharp jaw to the way his nose curves slightly to the side, and the five o’clock shadow creeping across his face, everything about him says he’s a manly man, not some dainty office worker.
“I live down the street, and I just got out of work, but I wanted to say hi and drop this off for you. It’s a list of trustworthy contractors in the area, in case you ever want work done. It’s hard to find good help these days.” The baby stirs in his arms. It’s skin, tan like his father’s, and his thick eyebrows and hairline are the same. I imagine he’s an exact duplicate of him at that same age. “Oh, umm, this is my son, Timothy. I just picked him up from the sitters.”
A small part of me is jealous of whoever made such a beautiful creature with such a handsome man, knowing it will never be me.
There’s an awkward silence between us, neither knowing what to say. Just as he opens his mouth to say more, I pull the paper from between his fingers, manage to squeak out a ‘thank you’, and swing the door around.
At first, I sense him still on the other side of the door. I press my ear against it, listening to see if he says anything else, but all I hear is a sigh, then the creaking of my stairs and footsteps growing further away.
A part of me feels disappointed, and I think it was the first time all day that I wanted someone to ring the doorbell or knock.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I haven’t felt like this about anyone, ever.
He made me feel starstruck, as if I were meeting a celebrity for the first time.
I collapse back on the couch and read the paper on my lap. At the bottom of the page, a handwritten message points an arrow to a name farther up the page.
This is me, and here’s my cell if you ever need anything.
The arrow points to Bellagio Painting and Repairs.
What I need is to sit on his fucking face and let him fuck me.
No, Tessa. He can’t be one of your victims. He’s a dad, a neighbor, and a seemingly nice person. Just shake it off and stop thinking about him.
But I can’t. I want to, but every time I close my eyes, he’s there, taking me into my bedroom and throwing me down on my bed. What am I missing here? I have someone who protects me, fucks me, and lets me fuck others at the low cost of their soul instead of mine, and I find myself sitting here wanting more.
Needing more.
My fingers travel between my legs, and I close my eyes, touching myself but imagining it’s him. I clench my fist, taking my hand away from my clit and shaking it off.
I can’t think about him this way. Not only because he seems like a family man, working, picking up his baby from the sitters, and caring for his neighbors, but because I know nothing good will ever come of it.
Of us.
Not being able to have him creates a void inside of me. But why? Is it because I’m yearning for a family? To be a mother despite knowing I can never have children. Is that part of why I feel so empty inside? Because I see a family or any sort of happilyever after was taken off the table the minute I signed my life away, giving it to Mastyx?
Stop it.
I push thoughts of him and what my futurecouldhave been back into the depths of my brain. Fantasizing about David is all I can ever do. I can never have a husband, a family, or anything that resembles true love.
Mastyx would never allow it. Our arrangement is all that matters now. He gets what he wants, and so do I.
Sort of.
A part of me wonders what would happen if I truly fell for someone, someone who makes me feel like breaking the contract with Mastyx is worth more to me than my life. Would he drag me to hell and kill them out of spite?
I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. I have to keep everything superficial with anyone I meet. My desires for them need to be kept in check. Mastyx will always be the only one for me, like it or not, this is what I signed up for.
???
