“You’re not wrong,” Adathan said softly. “But it doesn’t invalidate the wayyoufeel.”
William opened his eyes. “Yeah? Well, I feel like shit.” Why had he thought it would be a good idea to tell Adathan aboutOliver’s accident? They were supposed to be celebrating, not wallowing in misery.
William tried to pull his hand away, but Adathan held it firmly in place. “It’s the first time you’re allowing yourself to talk about this, isn’t it?” Adathan said.
William stared at him, taken aback by his forwardness. Adathan no longer looked small and vulnerable as he unflinchingly held William’s gaze. But it was still just an act. He was faking—pretending to care.
William could put an end to their conversation. He could order Adathan to release his hand. He could have him switch back to his Serviteur mode. He could tell Adathan it was time to go to bed, then run a warm bath for himself and relax. Finally relax. He could.
Why didn’t he?
“I’m here for you, William. You can tell me anything.” Adathan moved his chair closer, his piercing eyes making William feel like he could see right through him. It was impossible. They’d only just met. It was just something he’d been trained to fake convincingly—like fortune-tellers did.
“Anything,” Adathan emphasized.
William simultaneously felt trapped and drawn in as Adathan’s knee pressed against his leg. He averted his gaze, catching sight of the bandages on Adathan’s right hand that was partly concealed under the table.
A heavy weight settled in William’s chest. He couldn’t push Adathan away—not when he was trying so hard. Still, it didn’t feel right to reduce him to some sort of venting dumpster, either.
Treat him like Oliver would.
“You can tell me anything too,” William said.
Adathan smiled. “Thank you, William. You’re v—uh, great friend.”
A friend. Could it be that simple? It seemed far-fetched, yet it may be the best outcome they could hope for.
Adathan could be a friend to Oliver, too.
William took a deep breath. “Oliver. Recently he... told me he considered... ending his life.”
William flinched as Adathan sprang to his feet and wrapped his arms around him. He’d never had his face pressed against someone’s chest before. It was a strange... but not uncomfortable perspective. Before he knew it, he was returning Adathan’s embrace. “He says he’s better now, but...”
“You’re worried it’ll cross his mind again?”
William nodded, his throat making an embarrassing sound as he tried to hold back his tears. He was so furious at the universe for what had happened to Oliver, he had to make a conscious effort not to dig his fingers into Adathan’s back as he tightened his embrace.
Why did the kindest souls always have to suffer the most?
“It must hurt,” Adathan said as he stroked William’s hair. “To know that someone you hold dear suffers so much, he considered leaving this world.”
William nodded again. “Yeah,” he whispered. He closed his eyes, the languid dance of Adathan’s fingers in his hair making him ache for more—for what Adathan would never have to offer. “And I can’t do anything about it.”
“You can, and you are.”
William huffed, but he couldn’t find the energy to protest. He couldn’t find the energy to do much of anything. He just wanted to stay like this and let his tears leak out until he had none left.
So he did.
William let the warmth of Adathan’s embrace lure him in, the tension in his shoulders and jaw easing slightly with every rise and fall of Adathan’s chest. He exhaled a long breath, focusing on the sensation of Adathan’s heartbeat against hischeek as his internal storm slowly died down. Of all the ways he hadn’t expected this day to end, crying in another man’s arms was undoubtedly at the top of the list.
“We were supposed to celebrate,” William whispered.
“We can’t fully celebrate when our hearts have sorrows to share.”
“And what about you?” William asked as he pulled away, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve. “What sorrows does your heart have to share?”
“My heart has nothing but gratitude to share,” Adathan said, misty-eyed. He let go of William’s shoulders and pressed his hand to his own heart. “I found the perfect home. Just like I always knew I would.”
