“It’s Asher,” I announce as her stiff body connects with mine. “I want you to try and breathe along with me,”
I lock my arms around her chest and make exaggerated breaths that reverberate through her.
I start to think it is pointless until her hands come up to my arms that are crossed over her and sharp nails dig into my skin where my shirt is rolled up. There is a bite of pain, but I am more relieved that she is aware of me.
“That’s it,” I whisper in her ear. “Keep following me,”
We sit like that for a while, how long, I have no idea. Her fast choppy breaths start to slow and copy my rhythm and before I know it, we are breathing as one. Her spine softens and her body relaxes into mine. I feel my shoulders drop in relief.
I have gotten Piper through many panic attacks, but for some reason this one affected me even more. Ruella always comes across as a strong confident woman, yes, she showed her softer side when we were drunk the other night, but this is something completely different.
I thought I wanted to break her.
But you can’t break what is already broken.
And as Ruella sits up and wipes her tear-streaked face with the sleeves of her cardigan, I vow that I don’t want her to bow to me like everyone else, I want to be the one to put her back together again.
“Thank you,” She whispers, and it pulls at my heart. “You didn’t have to do that,”
I clear my throat. “Does that happen often?”
She doesn’t meet my eye, but her head shakes from side to side softly. “No, not in a long time,”
“Want to tell me what happened?”
I watch as another tear breaks free and falls down her cheek. I reach out and wipe it before it falls from her chin.
Finally, her eyes meet mine. Swollen, red rimmed and full of a darkness that calls to my own.
I reach out and spin her around until her legs sit on top of mine and we are face to face.
She doesn’t protest yet, she’s still in a sort of limbo between wherever she was and reality. The reality of her avoiding me for some reason.
“Did he touch you?” I voice what I am afraid of the most, because if he has touched her, I will lose my place here at the academy for what I will end up doing. In doing that, I will fuck my future and any hope I had of dethroning my father.
Yet, as I sit here with her, the idea of losing everything for her, doesn’t scare me like it should.
Her throat bobs. “No” she shakes her head again, this time more vigorously. “Not Mr. Chapman at least,” she whispers while looking down. She thinks I didn’t hear that part. But I did. Loud and clear.
My jaw clenches as well as my fists at her hips.
“What happened?” I ask again with more authority.
“Nothing,”
“It’s clearly not nothing Ruella,” I run my hand through my hair in frustration. Not at her but of this situation. Why can’t I be someone she confides in, why can’t I have her smiles and laughter like Corden does, or her comfort like Max does. “You just had a panic attack in the middle of the girl’s bathroom after a meeting,alone, with a male staff member who has a habit of pushing himself on students,”
She furrows her brows and I feel my shoulders drop a little more at the fire that sparks back to life.
“I told you. He didn’t do anything. It was a panic attack. Happens to the best of us. Now, thank you for your help, but I have to go,” She goes to push off me, but I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. Her legs wrap behind me, practically sitting in my lap. If this wasn’t a fucked-up situation, this position would have me rock hard.
“What are you do…” I cut her off when I put my forehead to hers like I did the other night.
“It’s just a lonely boy and a broken girl in here. No one else. Not Asher or Ruella,”
Her breath hitches, but her gaze softens.
“Tell me what happened. Please. You know how much is on my mind already, please don’t make this another thing that plays on repeat,” I beg. Because it’s the truth. I have so much on right now and if she doesn’t tell me what happened it will become aneedto find out.
