“Glad you made it,” he says with a slap on the shoulder.
“Barely. Thanks for waking my ass up.” I take a sip of the drink, and I already start to feel better.
“It’s no problem. How was…?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “You know?”
“Honestly,” I shrug, “I really don’t remember. It’s been coming back in pieces.”
“It happens to everyone. She was hot, though.” Chase goes for a high five, but I don’t reciprocate it.
“Look, can we not talk about that night, like, ever again?” I plea, twisting the cap to my drink on and off nervously.
Chase seems shocked but gives me a knowing stare. He knows about Regan and he’s guessing this is about her not finding out about this. I used to be one to brag about my conquests to my friends, but not anymore.
“Sure. Does this have to do with…” He glances around to be sure no one is within earshot. “Brady?” he finishes in the whisper.
I give him a nod and his expression changes, like he fully understands how I feel. Wanting to not mess something up so badly, though you know you already have, and you’re just doing your all to make the best out of a bad situation.
Chase glances away from me and I follow it. Regan is looking at us as she talks to Leslie, who seems to also be looking at Chase. She quickly breaks my gaze to resume talking to Leslie.
Mustering all the courage I can, I walk over to Regan, and Chase takes off back to his car and crew, and Leslie leaves as soon as I come close to them. When I finally reach her, I instantly look at her lips, wanting mine to be on them again, to taste her, feel her soft skin on mine and watch her come undone all over again.
“Good qualifying run,” she says, her face stoic and hard to read.
“Thanks. You too,” I reply, still glancing down to her mouth.
Silence.
She takes a deep breath like she’s trying to steady herself for whatever it is she’s going to say next. I give her the time to find her words.
“About the gala,” she begins. My already hardening cock stirs, remembering every detail, every touch, every breath, everything that is her. “I’m sorry I left like that, and about what I said in the bathroom about benefits.”
“I liked what you said about benefits.” I smile, though I can tell it’s a bit forced. At the time, benefits only seemed like something I could agree to, but I feel like something more than benefits is something I want. “I saw you talking to Ian before you left, did he say something to you?”
“It’s not important. What I wanted to talk about was the benefits. If we are going to do this, we need to be exclusive. No one else on the side.”
I really want to know what Ian said to her to make her run off, but I don’t want to push her, either. I risk her running again and I don’t want that. I shift on my feet, knowing that I’ve already broken this rule. I should tell her, come clean right now. Everything in my being stops me. I’ll ruin our chance at being anything if I tell her now. I need her, crave her, and I can’t lose her.
“Agreed. Just benefits, no feelings, only us,” I confirm.
“Agreed.” She sticks out her hand to seal it with a shake. I take her hand in mine and resist the urge to pull her into me.
“I’ll see you, Dixon.” We linger with our hands connected a beat longer than we should before she removes her hand from mine, and I almost instantly ache for her touch again.
I’m so fucked.
THIRTY-SIX
DEAN
I’m sweatingbullets in my fire suit after opening ceremonies, about to climb into this hot car for a day of racing. I’m strapped in and Steve comes up to put the window net up before I roll down pit road.
“Focus, Dixon. We are getting close to that championship. Stay ahead of Brady as much as you can.”
“We go this,” I say reassuringly, giving him a fist bump.
Sure, stay focused and don’t think about Regan in the way I really want to think about her, or how she could find out about my drunken hookup and ruin everything.
My mind has been nonstop since talking with Regan during qualifying about changing our arrangement to exclusive benefits. I know we didn’t have that term set into place when we labeled this as benefits, but I know she won’t see the hookup that way. I don’t think I see it that way, which is why I can’t tell her.
