No judgment. Just like Dean said when I opened up to him before he ate my pussy in a way that made me see stars. He seemed to find the combination to that lock. Or is it just him? I felt so relaxed, when usually I’m all in my head, trying to make sure that I’m saying the right thing, touching them the right way, moaning in a sexy way. Dean just let me be in that moment, and I didn’t care. Now it seems I shouldn’t have laid my trust in his hands. When I should have known all he would do is to throw that trust in the trash.
I place my own beer on the table on one of her coastersand turn toward Cindy, but keep my eyes cast down. “I think I fucked up,” I admit, my voice low.
“What do you mean you fucked up? Is this a racing thing? You’re still leading in the points, right?”
Cindy has never been into racing, but supports me and keeps up with the important happenings throughout the season.
“Yes, I’m still leading in points, but…” I trail off. I don’t know if I can say it. She waits patiently for me to continue, not wanting to make any assumptions. I suck in a large breath. “You remember Dean from the diner?”
“The hot one? Sure, what about him?”
“I might have slept with him,” I say, my voice weak.Why is this so hard to say out loud?
“What?!” Cindy shrieks. “When you say ‘slept with him’?” she asks using air quotes.
“We had sex. Amazing sex, in fact. Best sex I’ve had. Now he’s stuck in my head, and I knew it was a bad idea given his reputation, and he asked me to the gala?—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Breathe,” Cindy says, stopping my rambling. “We’ll figure this out. So, he just wants sex and you want more?”
I take a moment to think. I’m not really sure. Despite letting my mind wander to all the possibilities, I’m not sure which one I really want to come to fruition. “I don’t know. We sort of agreed to play it by ear, and then I thought there was something there when he asked me to the gala.” I finally look back up at Cindy who nods for me to keep going. “Then he texted me about this weekend, and it’s clear that he only wants sex. I shouldn’t have slept with him in the first place.”
“Why? He’s hot. Much better than the last guy you were with—Kyle? I’d fuck him,” she says with a laugh.
I swat at her playfully and chuckle. “It was Kevin, and this is serious, Cin. We’re supposed to be rivals, fighting for the same goal. What if people think I slept my way there?”
“And?” she questions. “People already think Daddy Brady is the only reason you’re there, and that hasn’t stopped you.”
“That’s different,” I counter.
“How?” she pushes.
“It just is. This is…personal.”
She’s not wrong. I already deal with so much with defusing sexist questions from reporters, ignoring any troll with a keyboard, and I know how some people in the garage look at me, questioning if I should really be there or not. It’s fucking exhausting. This is just the cherry on top of the already existing bullshit I deal with. If I can handle all that, I should be able to take anything else they throw at me, right?
“College has made you way too smart for your own good, you know that?”
“That’s why I keep paying tuition.”
I toss my head back in a laugh and Cindy joins in. I really think about what could happen if people find out about Dean and I being together, even as friends. “I just feel like this could all end badly.”
“So what if it does? Kyle did probably the worst thing by cheating. But not every guy is like that, and you won’t know until you try.”
I was devastated when I discovered Kevin’s cheating. Cindy saw how much I broke down, so I’m a little surprised that she’s telling me to go for it now.
“I just don’t know if I can handle that kind of heartbreak again,” I admit. “He’s still a playboy. He doesn’t want a relationship, he said as much.”
“Then you need to do what you feel is best for you, protect your heart if you feel it needs protecting.”
I take in what Cindy has said, and I know what I need to do.
THIRTY
DEAN
I’mbusy wiping down the counter from where I just picked up a customer’s empty plate after they left, leaving me with basically no tip, when the door dings.
I toss the rag back into the sink behind me and prepare to take another order. Regan is sitting in front of me, and butterflies erupt in my stomach at the sight of her. The frown that’s currently on her face says that she’s not here for pleasure.
