Once he’s settled, I head back outside, hoping Regan is still there, but she’s gone.
SIXTEEN
DEAN
A few weekshave passed since my almost kiss with Brady at the party. It’s all I can think about. How she relaxed into me when I grabbed her waist and let me guide her hand to throw the cornhole bag. What her perfume smelled like, something floral mixed with her familiar vanilla that always follows her.
I especially can’t get over how she looked at me while we were so close together. She looked at me like I was something to consume, and if we weren’t interrupted…My mind has already been through every possibility. I’ve jerked off to every single one of those fantasies since.
My cock stirs at the thought of Regan underneath me, taking all of me. Shit, I have to get a fucking grip. I cannot like Regan Brady. It’s not something even remotely possible.
Or is it?No. No. It’s not.
I can’t bring myself to talk to her at the tracks since that night or talk about what happened—what almost happened. Once, I did get the courage to go over, but she turned away like she didn’t see me. I took that as a sign that she didn’t want to talk, because I know she saw me. It’s not like I can just call her to talk about it. I don’t have my rival's number tojust give her a call for a chat. Maybe I could go by her race shop again like I did a few weeks ago. Would that be too suspicious, showing up at her shop again? But it seems she doesn’t want to talk about it, so maybe I just need to let all these thoughts of Regan go.
That’s what I’ll do.
These last few races have not been kind to us, either. Which still hasn’t kept thoughts of Regan at bay. One race, we got spun around and couldn’t repair it enough to continue. A DNF—Did Not Finish—is never what you want to happen when you’re contending for a championship.
All the other races consisted of ill-handling cars and pit road penalties that put us too far behind to catch up again for a decent finish. We were lucky to finish some of those races at all.
It’s been frustrating, not just for me, but for the whole team. I feel fully responsible for all of it. My mind isn’t fully in the game. This is why I stick with grid girls and one night stands. No muss, no fuss, and no feelings. I can tell the team knows there is something off with me, but I can’t tell anyone theactualreason.
These are the moments that I wish Daniel were still here. He would’ve known exactly what to do. He may have been younger, but he always knew better when it came to women.
I should just forget about what happened in that backyard. I should stick with grid girls and keep Regan Brady as my rival only. Even that doesn’t feel the same. Having a new woman with me every race always boosted my ego. Now, I feel…I don’t know how I feel.
Maybe empty is the right word. Grid girls filled that void of loneliness that always seems to follow me. Even that doesn’t scratch the itch anymore.
It’s become bad enough that the owner, Tom, has called a meeting. I got the email last night and have been slightly panicking ever since. I wait patiently with everyone for themeeting to begin in the large conference room. Everyone is here, not just my crew, but people who work behind the scenes, too. The conference room door opens and Tom enters, commanding the attention of everyone in the room.
“Good morning, everyone,” Tom begins. “I know this meeting is last minute, but I wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to come in today,” he says in his booming voice. Tom is a friendly guy. He just looks intimidating in his suit, tie, and slicked back, blonde hair.
“First thing is, it’s been announced by SCORS that there will be a charity gala coming up that all teams and crews are invited to. So start looking for your best outfits for you and your significant others, or whomever you decide to bring as your plus one.” The room murmurs with excitement as he glances down at me at that statement. My cheeks heat a little bit under his gaze.
“Now, to bring it back to the main reason for this meeting.” The murmuring stops. “We are trying to get Dean and hopefully all of you into the Cup Series for next season. As you all know, the doors of Sampson Racing are closing at the end of this season. This is a way for everyone to ensure jobs for next season. We need to regroup and focus to make this happen. I know we can do it, we just have to keep our heads in the game,” he says, scanning the room and his eyes locking on mine.
Busted.
Tom is known for knowing almost everyone’s business in the shop, down to the cleaning crew that comes in at night.
It’s scary, actually.
“Next week is Watkins Glen. This isn’t our first road course this year, and we usually do well with them.” There are murmurs of agreement around the room. “Remember to keep an eye out for the drivers who only show up for these races. Rehearse your pit stops, as pit road is backwards at this track.” Everyone nods but says nothing, waiting for Tom tocontinue. “That’s all I have. Everyone knows their job, and keep up the good work.” He finishes and everyone, including myself, scurries out of the room with Tom right now, knowing what is on the line for everyone.
“Dixon, hold up a minute,” Tom says.
Fuck. Well, it was nice knowing you.
“You okay? You’ve seemed…distracted.” He knows everything with my personal life and has helped me through all of it. If I can talk to anyone, it’s him. I just can’t bring myself to tell him that it’s Brady who has me distracted. I’m not sure how he’d react to that.
I’m still coming to terms with having these non-hatred thoughts toward Regan Brady.
“I’m fine. Just been thinking about Daniel.” It’s not a total lie, but also not the full truth. “It’s just a rough patch.”
He looks at me with narrowed eyes, like he’s trying to determine if I’m lying or not.
“Alright. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, Dean. Try to refocus. We got this.” He clamps a hand down on my shoulder, and I smile at him.
