I bite my lip, fighting back a smile, but I can’t stop it. “Shall we get inside?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Right this way,” Jordyn says, her smile matching mine.
The main floor of Pyre has been redecorated with black carpet featuring the moon phases, and a multitude of pillows circle the room, with women chatting on them.
Jordyn walks me to the edge of the circle and clears her throat, “Ladies, I have someone very important for you to meet. This is Luna Stirling!” The women gaspand rise to their feet, clapping and cheering. “Luna would like to join us tonight for our gathering. So we shall keep our conversation gathering centered. I know we are all fans, and it's eating us up not to know what happens next, but please respect her privacy. Now that that's settled, please return to your seats, and we will begin momentarily.” Jordyn grabs my hand, and we sit down in the open spots next to each other. “Cherry, the bowls, please,” Jordyn says to the redheaded woman next to her. Cherry pulls out a singing bowl from beside her and hands it to Jordyn. “Today I have something special planned, as you all know, it’s the full moon. On a full moon, the veil between worlds is thinner, and it’s easier to tap into our natural-born abilities. Tonight, we will pair up and work on our clairvoyance.”
Excited hums fill the room, and I can’t help but feel a bit out of place. “Don’t worry, you’ll be paired with me.” Jordyn leans in to say before addressing the group again. “For our newbies in the room, clairvoyance is the ability to see with the mind's eye. It comes in many forms; some individuals claim to communicate with the dead, while others can see a person's aura or spirit, or, in some cases, perceive things through mental images. We will be working on the mental images tonight. I want you to pair up, and I will lead you through a guided meditation. While meditating, I want you to focus on the other person, feel the connection between you, and express whatever comes to mind. The images could be complex or straightforward; it all depends on the connection and the person's willingness to be open. Trust your partner, let them in, and let’s see what we come up with.”
Jordyn turns to me, “I’m going to help them on the first round, and then after that, we can do it.” I nod and watch the women pair up with each other as I sit and wait for my turn. Jordyn picks up the wooden mallet, lightly tapping the side of the bowl, rimming it, and begins the meditation. “I want you to close your eyes and hold your partner's hands. Feel the energy that’s all around us.” She taps the bowl again, “Feel the energy of the person in front of you, and let them in. Breathe deep, and let go of your anxieties, your worry, your baggage. You are safehere. Let that breath out, and send all your negative energy with it.” She taps the bowl again, “Let your mind become a blank slate, and soon you will start to see images appear. Whatever you see, shout them out, but remember what you said so we can discuss it afterwards. You may begin.” Jordyn pulls out her phone and taps the screen, and calming music fills the club's speakers. The music is light and airy, yet a deep bass vibrates the floor.
It feels like a wave, a push and pull of different deep vibrations that aid in relaxation, I suppose. I like it, it makes my toes tingle.
Jordyn taps the bowl again, and the woman to my left says, “ Yellow canaries. Roses. Castle. Scotland.”
Voices echoed through the rooms as more women called out what they saw. It’s mesmerizing to watch them call things out and to see the recognition on their partner's face.
“Violet Hydrangea. Gravestone. A Shakespearean skull.” The partner of the woman next to her gasped and snatched her hands away.
Jordyn paused the music and came over to her, asking if she was alright. “Yes. Sorry about that. I just—I visited my mom’s grave yesterday and asked her if I should audition for this play my old theater company is putting on. I put aViolet Hydrangea, her favorite flower, on hergravestoneyesterday when I asked her. I guess this is her answer.” The woman’s eyes sparkle with recognition, and my heart squeezes with longing so fierce it hurts my chest.
I don’t know if my parents have gravestones. I don’t know what happened to them after they died; it was all such a blur. I remember being picked up by CPS from my friend's house, being told they were dead, and then nothing. My memory picks up at my first foster home, then becomes blurry again, and I find myself at Dollies, where years have passed. My therapist says it's because my brain was working to heal trauma in real time. Maybe this method can help fill in the blanks.
The tight pain eases, and hope blooms in mychest, feeling less nervous now for my turn. Jordyn turns to the woman and addresses everyone again. “Okay, this time I will let the music guide you all, so our guest here can have a turn. Feel the music, open yourself up, and let the images come to you on their own.” She presses play on her phone, and the music begins again. She turns and sits in front of me, putting the singing bowl and her phone to the side. “Are you ready? You should do mine first to get the hang of it. I’ve done this a few times.”
Voices start to echo around the room again, and I smile. “Yes. I’m ready.”
“Good. Close your eyes and give me your hands.” I do as instructed, and Jordyn walks me through it again. “Feel the energy around us, feel the energy between us, and follow it. Let your mind be a blank slate, and open yourself up to receiving these messages.”
I imagined my mind like a blank document on my computer waiting for the images to appear. Writing is when I’m my happiest and calmest, so why wouldn’t I make my calm place a computer document? It makes sense to me. I focus on my breathing, and I set a slow rhythm. Suddenly, a fuzzy shape came into view. I focused harder, letting myself relax, and the image came into focus. “A tree.” The image changes. It’s a group of people hugging. “Friends.” The image changes again: a woman sits by a window, looking down at the city. The feeling I get is one I'm familiar with. “Loneliness.”
Jordyn gives me a sad smile. “I have been feeling lonely. I crave friendship and stability, but sometimes I work myself to the point of exhaustion and forget about the relationships around me. I shall try to work on that, universe. Thank you for your message.”
“Wow—this is amazing, Jordyn.”
“Come on, your turn,” Jordyn says, smiling, shaking my hands.
I straighten myself and close my eyes, opening myself up to receive messages. Jordyn’s grip on my hand tightens, and she gasps. “Eyes. Someone is watching you.” Fear flooded my soul,and I tried to break the connection, but Jordyn’s grip didn’t falter. “Darkness. Love. Fear. Mirror. Death.” Jordyn gasps again, and I’m finally able to rip my hands free. Jordyn looks at me, fear and concern written all over her face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay,” I say, shying away. Jordyn nods, giving me another sad smile, sensing my apprehension, and gets up to help others around the room.
I was expecting a message from my parents, but the universe decided I needed one about my stalker. Feels a littlelatefor that. Butdeath? Am I going to die soon? Or will it be someone I know? It all sounds ominous and foreboding, and I don’t want to think about that. My whole life has felt ominous and foreboding, and I’m tired of it. The more I think about it, the angrier I become, because what did Ido? I’ve done nothing to warrantdeath, let alone a stalker, so why am I being punished? For being sex trafficked, selling my body so I could afford to eat? So be it, I’ll never regret it. I survived. I did what I had to do to be here, and I will not feel shame for it.
Jordyn brings the gathering to a close and thanks everyone for coming. People start to clear out, and Jordyn turns to me, “I’m sorry again, Luna. I hope this doesn’t turn you off from coming back.”
“It’s fine,” I say, giving her a sympathetic smile. It wasn’t her fault after all. “I don’t know if I’ll be back next Monday, but I will definitely be back another time. That was just a bit intense for my first time.”
Jordyn gives me another apologetic smile. “I’m glad to hear it. We also gather for movie nights and book club. Those are just more sporadic, depending on everyone’s schedules. I’ll let you know when we have the next one.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Do you need me to walk you out? I need to head up to my office to grab something before I leave.”
“Oh, no, thank you. I remember the way. Thank you for tonight, even though it went kinda sideways, I still had fun.”Jordyn smiles, and I turn and walk back through the service entrance.
I push open the heavy metal door and find Dante parked right where he said he would be. He’s not wearing his helmet, and he’s looking down at his phone. The door shuts behind me, and Dante looks up, flashing that perfect, heart-stopping smile of his. Seeing him sitting there, waiting for me, makes me think back to what Jordyn said when she gave me my message.
Love.
