Olive’s eyes flicked to Clara again. ‘Ok. See you. And thanks for taking them.’
‘Any time.’ He returned to the car and slid into the driver’s seat. Clara caught the faint scent of his cologne that she loved so much. She closed her eyes, breathing it in for a moment.
Sam pulled away, and Clara opened her eyes, watching the passing scenery as they went north to Glenbriar. When they got there, he returned to his house, where she’d left her car that morning, then went in and packed an overnight bag while Clara waited in the garden. She shielded her eyes, scanning the view to the forest on one side and the valley on the other. The loch was just visible. Perhaps it was possible to see all the way to Glenvorneth from here but she wasn’t a hundred per cent sure of the lie of the land.
When Sam was ready, he hopped into Clara’s car, and she headed back into Glenbriar before taking the loch road out of the town.
‘Sam,’ she said, ‘can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
She took a deep breath. ‘I hope this isn’t overstepping, but… why did you and Olive split up? I remember you said once she’d blamed you for a lot of things and you felt like you were in the wrong. What were the things she blamed you for? Or… was there more to it?’
Sam stared out of the side window. For a moment, Clara thought he might not answer, but then he let out a long sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly.
‘Yeah, there’s more. It’s… complicated,’ he said. ‘As these things usually are. But, well, she was dishonest with me. About something very important.’
Clara sucked on her lower lip, giving Sam space to continue if he wanted to.
‘You see, I always wanted more kids. I love Kaleb and Jacob with all my heart, but I… I wanted to have another one, maybe a couple. It’s obviously not guaranteed, but I kind of hoped to have a daughter to add to our family.’ He paused, swallowing hard.
‘Olive knew this. We talked about it. For years, she told me we were trying. We went through all the motions – tracking her cycle, timing everything just right. But nothing happened.’
Clara slowed the car as they approached a bend, and briefly glanced at Sam. In the depths of his eyes, she saw pain. She recognised it because she was in a similar position.
‘So… you couldn’t have kids?’
He gave a little shrug. ‘I never had the chance.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘One day, I accidentally found her birth control.’
Clara’s heart clenched, and her eyes widened. ‘She was on the pill the whole time?’
‘Yup. Exactly that.’
‘Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, Sam.’ She took one hand off the wheel and rested it on his thigh.
He covered her hand with his and squeezed. ‘I was devastated when I found out. It felt like our entire marriage and everything we had built together was a lie.’
Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. ‘Did you confront her about it?’
Sam’s jaw clenched tight, and he nodded. ‘Yes, I did. And at first, she denied it. But eventually, she admitted that she didn’t want any more children and had been taking birth control secretly because she didn’t want to tell me.’
Sam stared out of the window for a few seconds before continuing.
‘I couldn’t be with someone who claimed to love me but was so deceitful. If she’d just told me. But she thought I’d leave her if I discovered she didn’t want kids because she knew how much I wanted more. The irony.’ He let out a mirthless laugh. ‘Like I could stay with her after that.’
‘Is that why you left?’
‘We separated soon after. The dishonesty was too much, but that was when I started questioning myself, wondering what I’d done wrong. Even now, I don’t really understand why she did it. Am I so unapproachable? Why wouldn’t she just tell me the truth?’
‘I don’t know. You seem so kind to me.’ Clara shook her head, her mind reeling. ‘I suppose in a twisted way, she didn’t want to hurt you. But what she did was worse in the long run.’ Clara’s heart hurt. For Sam, but also for herself. The spark of a dream that had been growing in her mind had just been snuffed out.Sam wants more kids.And she couldn’t be the person he had those kids with.
Someone had already denied him more children through their own selfish actions and lies. She wouldn’t do that.
Her attraction to him had been growing all week, but now, as she absorbed the depth of his pain and the intensity of his desire for a family, she recognised that her feelings ran much deeper.
