He wasn’t free to.
There was no future he was willing to give her, because he wouldn’t inflict his life on anyone.
Chapter Nine
Clara
Clara held her hand in front of her face, shielding her eyes from the bright glare of the spring sun slicing through the trees. Her head throbbed. Thirty-four, and she really couldn’t hold her liquor. The night out had been a great escape, however. Just the tonic she needed after the bad news during the week and the tension of the inspection.
Slumping on the bench outside her cottage – one in a row of four – she watched as Skye sniffed enthusiastically at the cute picket fence surrounding the small front garden. Clara had grown to enjoy weekends with Skye, relaxing or shopping, but she didn’t want to be alone this weekend. If she stopped and let the dust settle, her mind would dwell on the diagnosis. So, she’d invited her sister, Harriet, and her niece to join her for the day. Glenvorneth was a rambling and beautiful estate with a stable yard and many paths. They could spend some time exploring then Clara would make them some lunch.
Skye barked as a car trundled up the driveway, and Clara stifled a yawn. ‘Hush, Skye.’ Everything was too loud this morning.
Harriet got out with a wave, then opened the back door for her little daughter Molly, who jumped out and skipped, laughing, up to the gate, her twin ponytails swinging. Clara managed a smile, though it made her head ache a little more.How do kids have so much energy all the time?
‘Auntie Clara!’ Molly shouted. ‘And Skye.’
Skye scrabbled up at the gate, and Molly tried to lean over and pat her.
‘Hey, trouble.’ Clara opened the gate and bent down for a hug, trying not to wince as her niece launched herself at her. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine.’
Skye had bounded up to Harriet, who was chivvying her back into the garden.
‘That’s a nice top,’ Clara said, looking at her sister’s pretty green and white scoop-necked blouse.
‘This old thing?’ Harriet glanced down at it, her brown bobbed hair falling forward like a curtain.
‘Are we walking her now?’ Molly asked. ‘Can I hold her lead?’
‘Yeah, just take care. She sometimes tugs when she’s over excited.’
Clara gave Harriet a quick hug, fetched Skye’s pink lead and handed it over to Molly.
‘How are you feeling?’ Harriet gave her a look as they headed onto the path. Clara had already messaged her the grim news. And while she didn’t want to brood on it alone, talking was different. Good even.
‘Trying not to think about it too much. It’s not like I can do anything.’
Harriet patted her arm gently. ‘I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference to every day life.’
‘Exactly… just to my future. Or potential future. Not that I’ve done a great job with relationships since Fergus.’
A snorting sound came from Harriet. ‘Don’t even mention him. “Football-First Fergie”. He doesn’t deserve to be mentioned. I can’t believe the way he treated you.’
Clara nodded. Even now, she tried not to think too badly of him – there had been good times too – but there was no denying how selfish he’d been.
‘But Clara…’ Harriet frowned slightly. ‘I don’t want to be a preaching sister telling you stuff you already know, but…’ She held out her hands. ‘Not all guys are like him.’
‘I know.’ Clara rubbed her temples. ‘But I feel… faulty.’
Harriet sighed, putting her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. ‘I understand that. But someone who really likes you will want to work with you, not against you.’
‘But what if it’s someone who really wants kids?’
‘Worry about that if it happens. There might be other options… like adopting.’
‘I guess.’ Her head swam with it all. Without actually being in a relationship, she couldn’t know what a partner would want. But her mind was skewed, because of football-first Fergie, and the pain of knowing the kind of reaction she would have had from him.
