As he went to knock on Clara’s door, he realised it was slightly open, and he heard her talking inside.
‘It’s fine. It just hits me sometimes. And I’m already so stressed with the inspection. They were in here this morning quizzing me. I don’t normally let it affect me… Oh, it’s daft.’
‘Not at all,’ came Lissa’s voice. ‘And you’ve got an appointment this week too?’
‘Yes, and I’m dreading it. Because I know what they’re going to say.’
‘What? Are you really ill or something?’
‘It’s not terminal or anything, but I know from the GP appointment I had at half term that I’m probably going through premature menopause. I’m only thirty-four.’
‘Aw sweetheart.’
Sam frowned. This didn’t sound like something Clara would want him to interrupt. Christ. He shouldn’t even have heard that. It wasn’t his business to know her private issues unless she shared them with him. He needed to forget he’d heard it, though at the same time his heart went out to her. He knew only too well what it felt like to have your choice ripped from you.
The following morning, Sam yawned as he headed into school. His head felt like lead. A few cars dotted the car park, and he suspected a lot of staff were in early prepping and over-prepping in case the inspectors arrived in their class. He slung his backpack over his shoulder. Already the spring sun was out, and it felt warmer than it had done over the past few weeks. Not warm enough to discard his jacket though. Not until he got inside anyway, where the classrooms could get stuffy.
The light wasn’t on in the staffroom, and it was on the wrong side of the building to benefit from the morning sun. Expecting it to be empty, Sam did a doubletake when he saw Clara standing by the urn. Her face looked pale and a little drawn. She usually had rosy cheeks and a glowing complexion.
‘Morning,’ he said.
‘Morning, Sam.’ She stifled a yawn.
‘Oh, don’t.’ He held a hand to his mouth. ‘You’ll start me off. I hardly slept at all last night.’
‘Same.’ Clara rubbed her eyes. ‘I feel run through and the day hasn’t even started yet.’
He got it. Olive had messaged him last night to let him know she would likely be moving this summer. Sam’s head and heart felt shredded – torn between so many options. None were perfect, but at the moment, none were even good.
‘It’s this inspection.’ Sam dropped his backpack on an empty chair. ‘Have you heard how it’s going? I know they were in the history department yesterday. Eddie was speaking about it at the end of the day. He seemed to think it went well.’
‘I had a couple of them in yesterday after they were in with Gil and Adele.’ Clara rubbed at her forehead. Her eyes looked a little sunken, probably because she was tired, but the skin around them was red. Perhaps she’d been rubbing them, but Sam wasn’t convinced.
‘Did it go ok?’ He cocked his head and caught her gaze.
Her expression crumpled, and she shook her head. ‘Not really.’
‘Oh no. Why?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. What happened?’
She shook her head as if trying to rid something from it. ‘I just feel like I rambled on too much. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve got so much on my mind.’
He let out a sigh. ‘Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Or if it’s easier just to be silent, that’s ok too.’
‘Can I steal a hug?’ She glanced up at him, almost apologetically.
‘Sure.’ He approached her and put his arms about her. As she’d done the afternoon he’d rumbled her about Kerr, she melted into him again. He drew in a breath, catching the soft, very delicate scent of her. Closing his eyes, he imagined her dancing in a field of wildflowers with sunlight highlighting her glossy hair and rosy cheeks. Her grey eyes sparkled with joy, and warmth spread from her as it always did. She tightened her grip on him, and he matched her.
‘I’m sure the inspectors won’t mind if you rambled,’ he said quietly.
‘Probably not… but there are other things.’
‘Are there?’
‘Yes, women’s issues. You won’t want to hear the gory details, but they’re making me feel crap.’
