Fuck…maybe I can’t do this.
Forsythe cupped my hands with his. They were so warm, and the feeling of his skin on mine was oddly comforting, even thoughhewas the whole reason I was nervous. And the more I looked up into his eyes, the weaker I became.
Why is this so hard?
“Lucille,” he whispered my name and my heart immediately jumped.
I can’t do it…I can’t.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.
Because if I do…if I open that can of worms and let them spill out all over the floor…there’s no way I can put them all back. I didn’t want to admit it before, but the idea of losing whatever this was between us made me wither in pain. I was a dormant flower who had just begun to blossom in his light. If I did this, then I would be stuck in a storm cloud, drowning. And no matter how much I wanted to hear the truth, I couldn’t stand the thought of wilting away and losing his light. Not after all the life he’s breathed into me.
I don’t want to wilt away…I didn’t want to be alone.
I wiped my face and gently pulled his hands down, holding them within mine. “I’m just tired.” My head dropped as my eyes stared at his rough palms in my grasp. My fingertips traced the lines of his palm, feeling the scars and calluses built up from years of hard work.
“Then why do you seem so sad?” He gently tucked my hair behind my ear.
My hands began to tremble as I blurted out the first thing I could think of. “Because once Boone comes home and gets settled, I’ll have to leave.”
We sat there in silence for a moment.
Forsythe sighed heavily before finally speaking. “And what if I asked you to stay?” My eyes rose to his. “Would you?”
I didn’t respond, too stunned by his question to really think on his words.
He raised his hand and stroked my cheek softly with a heavy look in his eyes. “Call me selfish, but I don’t think I could bear to watch you leave. Not again.” His other hand raised and he cupped my face softly. “I know it’s asking a lot, but stay with me, Lucille.” He gently kissed my forehead and whispered, “Don’t leave…please.”
“But—I have to. I can’t stay here.”
He leaned back and tilted his head. “Why not? This isyourhome, after all. What’s keeping you from staying? From taking that jump?”
“Reality,” I breathed. “I can’t just forget everything up ‘til now. I have a whole ‘nother life, Forsythe. One far away from here. As much as you may want me to, I can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend, Lucille. I’m asking you to finally let go of your past and step into the future. A future with me.”
A rush of mixed emotions flooded my veins as I looked up at his face. “What are you asking me?”
Forsythe fell to his knees and removed his hat. “I’m not asking for a commitment, or for you to spend the rest of your life with me. I’m asking for you to give this a chance…to givemea chance. Don’t go. Stay here, with me. I’ll work day and night to keep Bone Ridge running, and you can tell me what to do and be the one in charge, just like you always wanted. I’ll make sure youwon’t have to work another day in your life, you, your momma, and Boone. All of you. I’ll take care of your family, Lucille. Whatever you want…whatever dream you can imagine, I’ll make it happen. All I ask is that you stay and give us a chance.”
Us.
I felt a cold fear wash over me. My eyes burned from the overwhelming amount of tears trailing down my face at his words.
“What you’re asking—” I forced back a light sob. “It’s completely unfair.” He looked up at me and I felt a pain in my chest. “What about my therapy? My healing? Do you realize what you’re asking me?” I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing or the pain in my throat as I sobbed my words. “This isn’t some fairytale, Forsythe. I can’t just move on a whim and hope for the best.”
His voice cracked as he spoke. “Why not? Whycan’tthis be a fairytale?”
“Because fairytales aren’t real!” My throat burned from how loud I shouted. “You’re asking me to forget the ghosts of my past, but I can’t do that. Being here is so hard…it’s so fucking hard!” My head dropped into my hands as I cried. “How am I supposed to live happily ever after when I’m constantly looking over my shoulder at the darkness I carry? Being with you might make things easier, but no matter how much you try, you can’t erase that pain. No one can.” I wiped my face. “I can’t live a happy life here, not long term at least. There are too many bad memories.”
Forsythe pulled me against his chest and hugged me tight. His smell wrapped around me like a warm security blanket, and I felt myself clinging to it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’re right…it was unfair of me to ask such a thing. But—” He pulled back. “I don’t think your daddy would want you to run from this place.”
I didn’t like the way he said that.
“I’m not running,” I snapped. “I’m just doing what I’ve been doing for years. What I should've done a long time ago. I’m taking care of myself, putting myself first. Healing isn’t something you can rush or ignore. And it’s not something I can do here.”
