Clayton walked backward a few steps, retreating from me, and then turned and stormed off. Ninety seconds later, while I was gathering myself and straightening my tie, I heard his car peel out, tires squealing on the parking garage floor.
What did he mean about Veda keeping secrets?
I was baffled. Nothing that just happened made any sense to me, and I doubted I'd get a straight answer from him.
If Veda was keeping a secret from me, she had a good reason. I trusted her. And I wasn't about to let my snake of a brother destroy what I was building with her. I'd fought too hard to start my comeback to let him ruin any part of it.
16
VEDA
Hearing the heartbeat of another human being growing inside me was a huge wake up call. I sat at the end of the exam table fixing my shirt while the doctor wiped the machine down and Regan stood beside me with her arms crossed over her chest. This entire appointment had been tense and uncomfortable. It was the sort of thing I was supposed to do with the doting father to be, not my best friend whom I felt was pressuring me to be something I wasn’t ready for.
"There is still time to terminate chemically, Veda," Dr. Albers said. She glanced up at me sideways from where she stood, removing her gloves now , speaking as if this was the most natural thing. When she had asked about the father and my work situation—gauging stress for me I assumed—I had nothing to say to her.
It wasn't that I was completely against the idea of motherhood—I wasn’t. I wanted kids someday. I just wasn't sure now was the right time, or if Asher was the right partner. The whole situation was wrong. He had no clue what secrets I carried that would ultimately destroy anything we tried to build together, and I hadno clue if he even wanted children. After losing one, some people never try again. The thought of it is too painful.
Besides the fact that he was twenty-plus years older than me, maybe feeling too old to have a family at this point, and I had the whole mess with Clayton.
Still, I also wasn't one of those women who claimed sovereign domain over my body and refused to admit that Asher's seed was growing in me. He had a child—a son or a daughter whom he could love. He had a real family now and it would be wrong of me to eliminate his right to choose this without even telling him it was a possibility. And the idea of hurting him worse felt like a stain on my conscience I'd never remove.
"Thank you," I said firmly, "but I’m not interested in terminating the pregnancy." As career-derailing as an unplanned pregnancy was, it had begun to grow on me. I'd known now for long enough to adjust to the idea of being a mom and the idea had become natural, something I thought about and liked what I imagined.
"Of course, well the option remains open for another week or two, after that we have other ways to?—"
"Thank you, but I’m really not interested. I'm keeping it." I said the words more firmly this time so the doctor got the point and Regan lifted an eyebrow with a skeptical expression on her face. "I know it's a little crazy, but I'm sort of excited for it." I forced a smile, though it wasn't too difficult.
Picturing little Asher junior waddling around in diapers brought me a lot of joy. It was just the idea of telling Asher and Clayton interfering that gave me a gut-sick feeling again.
"Well let's get you set up for your first sonogram before too long." The doctor sat on her stool and opened her tablet to makenotes. "You can do that when you leave. And I'll have the nurse call in a prescription to the pharmacy for vitamins and some anti-nausea meds to help get rid of that nasty morning sickness." She hardly looked up at me as she typed into her tablet.
My eyes took in the sight of Regan standing along the wall looking sour. The instant I asked her to come to this appointment she'd been challenging me. I knew it would only get worse now that a pregnancy was confirmed. I wasn't looking forward to her lecture again.
"Thank you…" I slipped off the table and reached for my coat to slide it on, and Dr. Albers stood and shook my hand.
"I'll see you next month, Veda. And try to take care of yourself. You should eliminate stress where possible, cut out caffeine… You'll see. When you stop by to make your next appointment we'll have a full folder with information and worksheets for you. Being a new mother is challenging, even more so when you’re alone, but it's manageable."
I truly didn't understand where the mindset that I would struggle came from. Women became single mothers all the time and all of them raised capable children. I had no intention of failure or breaking down.
Regan followed me out the door and down to the check-out desk where I paid my deductible and scheduled the appointment for next month. She was mostly silent except to point out how busy my calendar was when I had a difficult time picking a day and time. But when we walked out the front door to wait for our separate Ubers, she burst the bubble and let me have it.
"Veda, you have to tell him. Asher deserves to know everything." The motherly tone she used didn't help either. I understood shewas trying to watch out for me but she had no clue what I was dealing with.
"I can't tell him, Regan. I've been over this… Asher is already saying he loves me." Those words made a knot form in my chest. "And I really care about him… maybe I love him too."
"All the more reason to tell him," she said, gesturing with her hands. "This is stupid. Just tell him what Clayton did and be done with it. It's over. You're obviously not doing that anymore."
"And then what? Ask a man who is teetering on the edge of sobriety to forgive me for taking a half a million dollars from his conniving brother?" I scoffed. "Are you even thinking?" It was hard not to be annoyed at her. "Asher can't handle this, Ray. He'd be so hurt that I even considered Clayton's offer…"
She kicked a pebble with the toe of her sneakers and lowered her voice as her head dropped. "Did you stop to think that without Clayton's scheming you would never have met him?" Her eyes rose up slowly to pierce right through my heart.
It was true. If I hadn't accepted his pay off, I never would have gotten a job at Locke Global, let alone working for the CEO directly. He was the one who set this all up anyway, and now he was the one ready to destroy it, and he didn’t know what "it" was yet.
My phone chimed and about that same time I noticed a black sedan rolling up. "I gotta go," I told her, relieved to be exiting this conversation. I knew she loved me and wanted the best, but I needed some space from her "advice."
"Call me, okay?" she called as I walked toward the street and the awaiting Uber, and I waved a hand at her because I had no more words right now.
Asher and I planned to have dinner together in order to have a few private minutes to talk. Work had been stressful and though I spoke with him daily, we hadn't taken a spare second to chat about personal things. Asher's evenings were full of his AA meetings and therapy sessions, and for the past week now that he'd been home, I hadn't seen him outside of work.
