Because of her, I was ready to kick my past to the curb and start over. And that meant a new path forward in my personal life, hopefully with her, and a new trajectory for my company.
Without her, I didn't think I'd have had the self-awareness to change anything. But because of her, I felt like I could conquer the world.
And now I planned to act on that feeling before it passed me by and Veda saw what a truly weak and wretched individual I was.
10
VEDA
Asher's office had been dark all day and by three o'clock, I'd stopped pretending I wasn't checking for him every time I passed the glass walls.
I kept refreshing my email, but there was nothing—no meeting cancellations or terse instructions forwarded from his secretary.
Just spam and automated reminders about timesheets and the company holiday party I had no intention of attending.
It didn't feel right. I knew Asher had no responsibility to communicate with me when he wouldn't be at work, and for all I knew, this was a planned absence.
He didn't owe me an explanation, but after hearing his brother tear him apart last night, I worried whether he had gone on another bender and would wake up hungover and feeling ashamed.
It might've solved my problem if Asher hung himself—metaphorically speaking, of course—because Clayton wouldn't need me to provide proof of any indiscretion I could pin on him.
But it felt wrong to think that too, just as wrong as it'd feel if I did wind up recording Asher saying inappropriate things to me and turning it over to Clayton.
I heard someone laugh in the break room and the sound grated against my nerves.
Everything felt too loud and too normal when nothing about today was normal at all.
I had sat here chewing the inside of my cheek until it was bleeding, all over the condition of a man I had no right wanting.
I was toxic for him, and I knew it.
With the amount of money I'd taken from his brother, I had no right sharing the same air with him.
Clayton had been quiet too, which scared me more than his usual threats.
The silence should have been a relief, but it wasn't.
After that nasty call last night, I knew he was never going to ease up.
This temporary reprieve was only because his brother wasn’t in the office today.
When Asher returned tomorrow, Clayton would just turn the heat back up and I'd be burned at the stake.
He'd stop at nothing to destroy someone because he was a wreck of a human being and he thought everyone should suffer the way he was.
Rubbing my face, I thought of the last things Asher had said to me and the way he acted so distant.
It was like the spark between us had vanished or something.
The fight had gone out of him, or maybe he decided taking a risk with me after being reamed out like that by his brother was too much for him to think about.
Either way, I hated it. Asher pulling away left me in limbo.
I couldn't very well do what Clayton had paid me to do if the man wouldn't look at me, and more than anything, I wanted him to look at me.
It made me feel like I was on a top, spinning out of control.
I pushed the thought away and focused on the spreadsheet again, but the numbers still wouldn't make sense.
